Pretend
by Mondie
Summary: FINISHED! .|. ((slash, violence)) .|. We all bleed the same way as you do ~Good Charlotte .|.
1. chapter one: wash day

**[Pretend]**

**[by mondie]**

**[started: Feb. 17, 2003]**

**[disclaimer: I don't own the newsies or Kloppman, yada yada yada. If you don't know which characters are Disney's and which are my own, I'd be happy to enlighten you. But, really, if you don't know which characters are in the movie and which aren't, you have NOT watched the movie enough times. Shame, shame.]**

[chapter 1: wash day]

[chapter written: Feb. 17, 2003]****

**When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real**

-Linkin Park, "With You"

**:**

            It was wash day. Mush's favorite day, in fact. Once a month, the owner of the newsboys' lodging house, a certain Mr. Kloppman, would climb the creaky old staircase up to the boys' dormitory, strip the sheets off all the bunks, then take them downstairs to wash them all. The sheets wouldn't be dry before night came, so the boys would have to sleep directly on the scratchy fabric of the cheap mattresses. If a boy were so unlucky to be new in the joint or so young he hadn't made much money yet, that meant a very chilly night without covers. But Mush was sixteen now, and he'd had his three-layer thick blanket for three years now. It had cost him, too—nearly four dollars, and he'd had to save up for a year to get that much.

            It wasn't just the fact that he could gloat about his blanket which made wash day so special in his eyes. It _did_ have something to do with the coarse, lumpy mattress, though Mush couldn't quite pick out what it was exactly. He just knew vaguely that, as much as he'd despised his childhood, the feeling of the thick, cutting mattress, scratching against the bare skin of his firm chest, brought a sense of relief that he hadn't known since the days when he'd lived with his father.

            It had been ten years since he'd seen his father, and still the thought of that scar-bathed, sneer-filled face sent a shiver racing across Mush's body. Mush inwardly abused himself for letting that terrorizing picture fill his mind again. He'd promised himself never to think on the wretched man again…

            He was the only one up in the bunkroom so far, because all the other boys hated wash day and were keeping themselves down in the lobby so the rumor wouldn't prove itself true and ruin their night. Of course, they each already knew the rumor was true—Kloppman didn't have anywhere to hang the sheets but around the lobby—but if there was one thing to be said about this particular group of Manhattan newsies, it was that they could pretend and lie well enough to believe it themselves.

            Mush fingered the rough material of his mattress lovingly, glad no one else was up here just yet. It felt so deliciously crude beneath his fingertips. Yes, it was just the kind he'd slept on, the kind which brought comfort to him when he was living with his father… Immediately the jeering eyes, cruel and a hardened black, burned their way onto the projection screen in Mush's mind. He panicked a moment, grabbing a handful of the mattress and almost letting out a yell— …But it was okay now. He could hear Kloppman downstairs, yelling at the boys to go up and get to sleep. Racetrack, insisting that the game of rummy wasn't done yet. Kloppman again, louder, ordering Racetrack specifically to go upstairs and lead the way for the others. Cowboy, laughing. The eyes faded from Mush's mind, and just as the other boys burst in the door, bringing the smell of sweat and boyhood with them, he could breathe again.

            Racetrack was grumbling Italian words under his breath so rapidly no one could understand what he was saying (not that anyone would have understood anyway, because Race was the only newsie who spoke Italian), but Mush was sure that they were the kind of words that would make the ladies in Little Italy screech and box Race in the ears. Mush allowed a slow grin. It was always such fun selling in Little Italy with Race.

            "Get to bed!" Kloppman's ancient voice hurtled up the stairs. "Sleep, sleep, sleep! The papers are already getting ready to be sold! Get to bed, get to bed!" There was a pause, and then he added, "Oh, and whoever stole the sign-in book from the front desk… I want it back, now!"

            Groaning and hurrying to finish up a few last conversations while simultaneously ignoring anything to leave Kloppman's lips, boys headed to the bunks they'd claim as their own for the night. Kid Blink, Mush's best friend, ended up in the one right below him.

            "'Ey, Mush?" he called, as Cowboy tried to wrestle a few of the more awake younger newsies into their beds.

            "Yeah, Blink?"

            "I don't wanna hear you up there moanin' yer heart out tonight like yer having sex with the most beautiful girl in all a' New Yawk," Blink warned in a loud, too-sensible to be truly his tone kind of voice. Mush buried his head in his arms. Blink was the most outspoken newsie about sex, and it was his current favorite topic. Kid Blink grinned and continued the torture of his shy, sweet-tempered best friend. "Jus' cuz dere's no sheets, it ain't no reason to go all crazy in love wit' yer bed. A naked bed ain't the same as a naked girl, Mush."

            The explosion of laughter barreled through the room and attached itself firmly onto Mush's shoulders. He closed his eyes in disbelief, and was glad to hear Kloppman's patronizing voice yelling from downstairs, accompanied by loud thuds of a broom handle on the ceiling.

            Mush slowly pushed himself to a sitting position, and the bunkroom became instantly silenced. Kloppman obviously thought he'd done this miraculous deed, because the thick sound produced by the jabbing broom handle was cut short. Silence as rich and ample as warm maple syrup blanketed the room, as all the boys awaited Mush's rebuke.

            A smile carved itself upon his face, splitting his cheeks into their usual apples. His eyes twinkled with daring mischief as he quietly countered, "I wasn't gonna say nothing, but I do believe I noticed you coming out of an alley yesterday, pulling up yer pants and buckling yer belt, Kid Blink."

            Kid Blink grinned. "Yeah, so what?" he asked casually. "Me an' Rachel—"

            "You and Rachel nothin'," Mush interrupted. "Cuz followin' you out of the alley was none other than Oscar Delancey, himself!"

            The noise was twice as loud for this folly. Kid Blink's ears turned bright red, though he tried to hide it with a grin. "It ain't true! You know it ain't, fellas!" he yelled loudly over the others' laughter.

            "Yeah, right, Blink," Specs called from across the room. "We all know you love only fellas."

            "What?!" Kid Blink said, his eyes growing wide. "Shaddup, ya scum! Yer WORSE than scum!"

            This apparently was too much for Kloppman. Everyone froze as the unmistakable creak of the stairs sounded. Immediately every head went to a pillow, every candle was blown out. By the time the old man reached the room, not a sound was emanating.

            "That's better," Mr. Kloppman said angrily. "Get yer sleep! Or get out of my lodging house!" He descended back downstairs, grumbling about the newsies these days and their lack of respect.

            Five minutes of anticipating silence, then Snitch's voice whispered loudly, "Hey, anyone besides me need to write down in the sign-in book that you paid?"

            "I _knew_ it was you who stole it!" Kid Blink crowed. The noise picked back up again, and Swifty started a poker game on the bunk he was sharing with Race.

            "Hey, Mush, sorry 'bout what I said earlier," Kid Blink said after a few minutes, realizing that Mush hadn't joined in with the after-dark festivities as usual. There was no answer, and so he stood up and tried to make eye contact with his friend. Mush's eyes, however, were firmly clamped shut and light snores were issuing from between his pursed lips.

            "I WON!" The joy in Swifty's voice after finally winning a hand set off a whole other set of laughter. Swifty was notoriously bad at poker, and yet always ended up starting the game.

            Kid Blink looked back to his friend's face and smiled. "If you can sleep through this, Mush, you got my blessing."

            "I'M GONNA CALL THE BULLS ON YOU KIDS!" Kloppman yelled downstairs, and there was the loud crash the boys had learned was the sound of Kloppman's favorite book being thrown across his room.

            One last look at Mush's angelic slumbering face, and Kid Blink felt a deep unsettlement in his soul. He looked around quickly to see what the other guys were doing. Everyone had climbed out of bed and were congratulating Swifty. No one watching… Acting as rapidly as he could, Blink bent closer and lightly brushed his lips on Mush's forehead. Mush didn't stir. Whistling innocently, Blink hurried over to where Swifty sat, nearly crying with happiness. "Congratulations, Swifty!"

**:**

            _The rough burlap material covering the thin mattress poked through the thin shirt Johnny wore to sleep. Not that he ever really slept, though. Sleeping was for weak people. And if there was one thing Johnny knew, it was that he would never allow himself to be weak._

_            An owl was hooting nearby, its hollow call filling every fiber of Johnny's skinny, malnourished body. He felt hollow, too. But it had stopped hurting, the lack of food. It had become normal now…_

_            Johnny hated the dark, but he wouldn't light the candle. His father didn't like it when Johnny wasted expensive things like candles, and Johnny was even more scared of his father than the dark. Besides, he had learned that if he turned just right every twenty minutes, the light of the moon covered at least part of his body, and then he wasn't in the dark anymore. He twisted and could see out of only a little bit of the window, but it was enough. Tiny little pinpricks in the woven blanket of the sky, letting in the glow of light hidden behind the hole-filled veil of night, the stars were some of his best friends. He decided he'd count them until his father came home. It was a usual activity._

_            The little shack was not the best environment for a six-year old, but Johnny's father wasn't one to really care about his son. They lived on the grounds of a sprawling, beautiful mansion, which was also the site of Johnny's place of employment. He was a 'groundskeeper,' as he called it. It meant he kept the yards pretty, and picked the apples when they were ripe, and all the sorts of things that rich people don't like to do but must have done to impress their friends. Sometimes he brought Johnny along with him when he went to pick apples in the orchards. Those days Johnny loved his father the most. He'd sit high in the branches and throw down the crisp red fruit to his father's waiting hands. Sometimes his father would praise him, and would tell him that they were a perfect team. So Johnny supposed that it was true, sometimes he did__ love his father._

_            But never at night._

_            At nighttime, his father was different. It scared Johnny. He hated everything about night once his father came home—the darkness, the shallow breathing, the foul smell of cheap liquor, the stinging pain of his father's belt across his fair skin. Johnny's father hated the in-between color of Johnny's skin. Johnny's mother—he had seen her three times, and she was beautiful—was the daughter of the man who owned the mansion. She had concealed her pregnancy with Johnny by wearing her corset extra-tight, and when he'd been born, she'd given him to Johnny's father so she wouldn't get in trouble. Johnny liked to think about his mother. Then Johnny's thoughts turned back to the sins of his father in the night, and then the flickering fear that accompanied the worst pain of all shot through his body. Johnny squeezed his eyes shut, and he pretended that it had never happened before, and would never happen again. If he pretended just enough, maybe his shattered dreams would become real. Maybe… maybe…_

_            The doorknob eased open. Johnny's father was a quiet man, a man slight by build who hardly spoke two words but to Johnny. Johnny kept his eyes squeezed shut, hoping his father would believe him asleep._

_            "Hey. Boy. Wake up."_

_            Eyes closed. Eyes closed. Don't let him hurt you. Be strong. Be a man. __Johnny's thoughts paraded through his mind, and he repeated them over and over._

_            "I told you to wake up! Don't you disobey me!"_

_            Liquor already on his breath. There wouldn't even be down time tonight, where Johnny could pretend as hard as he could while his father drank liquor. No time to pretend hard enough…_

_            A hand upon his shoulder, forcing him onto his back. Keep your eyes closed. __Firm hand, and cold too, and big enough to nearly fit all the way across Johnny's small waist. Be a man._

            _The hand was gone now, but the mattress suddenly sagged on the other end. Johnny's father had sat down. The old wooden cot holding the mattress screamed in protest, and Johnny lay his end, scared to move. Eyes closed. Pretending._

_            The hand was back. This time around his arm, his arm so thin it could break any minute. Johnny felt his chest seize up in fear, and the next instant, found himself on the dusty floor. He moved to pick himself up. "Don't move, boy," his father warned. "And take off your clothes."_

_            Pretend! Pretend! Pretend! _Johnny's thoughts had turned to screaming sirens inside his head as the silently and methodically removed his thin shirt, thin pants. It was cold. He shivered, and looked hopelessly at his clothes beside him.__

_            "Lay down," his father told him. "On your stomach." Oh, God! Pretend! __There were cuts on Johnny's stomach, from the night before, when his father had whipped him with his belt. The dust on the floor mixed into the cuts, making Johnny's eyes water. He shut them again, pinched them shut. Pretend!_

            _The clink of metal that Johnny knew too well—the clink that was his father's belt buckle being loosed. The soft sound of falling cloth, and the thud of the belt's buckle hitting the ground. The smell of liquor, the shallow breathing descending on Johnny as surely as his father's body doing the same. Pain! PAIN! Pretend! Pretend! Be a man! __Hot tears, bitter tears, mixing with the dust that was flying into Johnny's face. The mud formed there on his cheeks a hasty, solid reminder of everything pain-filled and wrong._

_            "Oh, God!" his father yelled, and the heaving and the pain continued, and Johnny's eyes filled with more tears. Pretend! _It hurt… it hurt so bad… _Eyes closed! Oh, God! Eyes closed!___

_            Eternity passed. Finally Johnny's father got off of him. He pulled on his pants and left the shack, leaving the door hanging open behind him. Half-paralyzed with fear, Johnny sobbed as he pulled back on his thin clothing. Pretend it never happened_, he told himself. _Pretend like tonight never happened._

            _But as much as he tried, he knew that tonight had happened. Still crying, he crawled back onto his cot. The rough, cold burlap material of the mattress cover soothed his burning flesh. The rough material of the mattress was somehow the only thing that could bring Johnny piece of mind after the events his father evoked upon him. The mud still smeared across his face. A tribute to his father._

**:**

            When Mush awoke, the bunkroom had finally fallen to the snores of the other boys. Silence and darkness peered at him from every corner. He struggled to remember his dream, his fingers dreamily tracing the edge of his mattress. Only one word stuck out: _pretend._


	2. chapter two: the nightmares

**[Pretend]**

**[by mondie]**

**[started: Feb. 17, 2003]**

**[disclaimer: I don't own the newsies or Kloppman, yada yada yada. If you don't know which characters are Disney's and which are my own, I'd be happy to enlighten you. But, really, if you don't know which characters are in the movie and which aren't, you have NOT watched the movie enough times. Shame, shame.]**

[chapter 2: the nightmares]

[chapter written: Feb. 22, 2003]

**Crying so deep that I think I might die**

-No Doubt, "Don't Let Me Down"

**:**

            Blink yawned loudly as he sat up in bed. A quick surveillance of the bunkroom made light of the fact that no one else was yet awake. He rolled his shoulders in a feline manner, then smiled to himself as he lay back down.

            A few seconds before he was transported to a dream world, he was drawn back to the room when a heavy sigh above him broke him of his reverie. He was confused. Mush was the one in the bunk above him, but Mush was never unhappy. Blink stuck his head out of his bunk and into the aisle separating it from Itey's bed beside him. "Ya all right, Mush?" he asked in a loud whisper.

            Mush stuck his head out of his bunk too, and it was painted light blue in the glow of early morning. "Yeah. I'm okay," he said, looking surprised that Blink was awake.

            Blink shrugged and pulled his head back into his bunk. He situated himself again to sleep.

            "Except…" Mush's voice was quiet, so soft that Blink wasn't even sure that he heard it.

            He stuck his head back out. "'Cept what?" he questioned. The blue orb of Mush's face looked down on him again. Blink felt something warm and wet splash upon his cheek, and thought in a brief moment of insanity that Mush had spit on him. Then he noticed the sparkly streaks sketched from Mush's eyes to his chin. "You _crying_, Mush?"

            "No, I ain't crying!" Mush's voice was indignant. "What do ya take me for, a girl?" But his voice was trembling, and he sniffled in a way that completely gave away his position.

            "It's okay that yer cryin'," Blink said amiably. "I cry sometimes, too. It's a lonely life we live, kid." Climbing out of his bunk with all the speed of an arthritic elderly man, he slowly pulled himself up onto Mush's bunk. He had to smile at his best friend's stance—one of absolute vulnerability. Mush's legs were pulled up to his chest, with his bare, sinewy arms snaked about his calves. It wasn't often that Mush showed his vulnerability.

            "I think that I dreamed about my fadduh." Mush lay his chin on his knees, and his eyes looked too big for his face as tears dripped, unbeckoned and yet not brushed away, down his cheeks.

            "What do you mean, you _think_ you dreamed about yer fadduh? Either ya did or ya didn't," Blink said, completely baffled. He always tried to understand Mush, but sometimes Mush didn't make it so easy.

            "Well, ya ever had somethin' happen, so bad that ya put it out of yer mind?" Mush questioned, and his breathing increased both in volume and in frequency.

            "Yeah, sure," Blink said, thinking about the time that he'd lost his eye. It still put a squeamish feeling in his stomach, the thought of all that blood flowing down his cheek, thicker than any of Mush's tears. He gave a shudder.

            Mush nodded, looking intensely at his knees. "Well, my fadduh is what I try not to remember. An' I got good at it. I can't remember what he used to do to me, 'cept it hurt, and I hated him for it. An' it scared me. It scared me bad." He thought for a moment, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "It was so bad, Kid. I still don't remember what happened, even wit' dese nightmares that keep waking me up. I only know that it was about… whatever it is that scared me… because of the panicked feeling that comes over me." He was quiet another moment. "I'se still scared a' him."

            Kid Blink stared at him, uncertain of what to say. He'd never heard Mush speak of his father before, in all the years they'd known each other.

            "I hate him so much!" Mush's voice grew louder and louder, and his smothered sobs began pressing themselves forward. "I still hate him! I just… I hate… I … God!" The screaming sobs taking him over, he buried his face in his knees and his whole body shook with a mixture of anger and crying.

            "Whassgoin'on?" Skittery asked, in the next bunk over. He was looking at the two in Mush's bunk, rubbing at his bleary eyes. "Yer yellin'."

            "Go back to sleep, Skitts," Blink told him gently.

            Skittery smiled. "Okay." He rolled over, folding his arms to his chest.

            Blink had to suppress his smile at Skittery. He turned back to Mush, to find himself staring at his best friend's back. Attempting to preserve what little dignity he had left, Mush couldn't help but hide himself from Blink's searching eyes. Blink knew how he felt—how many times had he himself hidden from Mush's encouraging eyes?—but also couldn't help but allow his eyes to roam over the bare, youthful muscles of Mush's back. The softly bulging muscles contracted over and over with each slowly quieting sob as Mush tried to calm himself down. Hesitantly, Blink held out a shaking hand and, hoping it would have a comforting effect, placed it on Mush's shoulder.

            Mush shuddered involuntarily at the action, then stiffened as one shattered piece of his dream came back to him:

_            A hand upon his shoulder, forcing him onto his back. Keep your eyes closed. __Firm hand, and cold too, and big enough to nearly fit all the way across Johnny's small waist. Be a man._

            Blink took his hand away slowly, surprised by how scared Mush seemed at his hand. "Ya sure yer all right, Mush?" he asked.

            Mush turned to look at him, trying unsuccessfully to appear calm and relaxed. He straightened out his legs and swung them over the side of the bunk, his arms heavy at his sides, in a perfect mimic of Blink's own sitting position. He was still trying to control his breathing, and his stomach muscles rippled with his efforts. Blink's own breathing sped up, and he swallowed hastily and tried to draw his eyes away from the tight elasticity of his best friend's body. Mush looked over at him, and Blink quickly switched his eyes up to meet them. Mush asked softly, "How can someone be afraid of somethin' he can't even remember?"

            Blink shrugged. "We're all afraid of somethin', even those of us who pretend like we ain't. Some of us don't even know what we're afraid of. An' if ya had a bad enough past that ya put it out of yer mind, a' course yer gonna be scared a' it!" Bitter thoughts to himself. _Ya know what _yer_ scared of_, he told himself. _Yer scared a' tellin' Mush that yer …_ But he couldn't even finish the thought to himself. A chill went through his body. He was so wrong. So very … wrong.

            Mush's mind concocted the image of his father's face again. His sobs escalated again, as if all the terror he'd been feeling but kept hidden lately were being let out, all at once. His heartbreaking cries filled every corner of the room, until Blink was sure that everyone would wake. "Shhh!" he said, hoping that no one would interrupt this moment of bliss, where he and Mush were alone on a bunk, with the promise of certain uncertainty flowing incessantly between them. Mush nodded his head shamefully, and once more pulled his cries back under his control.

            Blink hesitantly put out his arms, and pulled Mush close to him. His hands clutched to Mush's strong shoulders. "We're best friends, Mush, an' we'll stay that way always. I don't care that yer scared a' someone that ya put out of yer mind."

            Mush paused a moment, frightened for a reason he didn't understand by the feeling of his bare chest pressed against the rough cotton undershirt Blink had on. Then he slowly embraced Blink back, swallowing the feeling of fear.

            Blink closed his eyes in elation, the feeling of Mush's hands gripping his back sending thrills straight through his shirt to his heart. How he wished that this feeling could be reenacted under different circumstances… Opening his eyes, he noticed how very close Mush's face was to his. Mush didn't notice, he was looking up at the ceiling, surrounded by nothing but his own misery. But Blink! Blink wondered to himself what would happen if he just leaned in right now, leaned right over and kissed Mush.

            But he couldn't do it. Realizing that they'd been hugging far too long to be considered normal, he pulled his arms away. Mush did the same, and simultaneously drew back into himself.

            "Ya should go back ta bed." Mush's voice was now flat. "Sorry I'se kept ya awake, Kid. Ya need yer sleep as much as anyone else here."

            Blink shrugged. "I don't mind. Ya can get me up whenever, Mush." He slid off the bunk, then flattened himself into his own. Above him, the wooden structure of the bunkbed groaned as Mush stretched out again. Blink allowed himself a smirk as he imagined his friend hugging that mattress that he loved so much. So strange… but Blink didn't care how strange he was. He couldn't deny the fact to himself that there was nothing in the world he wanted to be more than Mush's mattress.

            Horrified at letting himself hear these thoughts, he groped beneath his bunk. Pulling out his left boot, he caught hold of the wooden handle of his knife—his other best friend. Pulling his skin taut over his wrist, he stared at a moment at the unmarred flesh. Then he slashed heartlessly at it. His eyes were now the ones to blossom with tears as he stared at the blooming blood gushing forth. The liquid appeared purple in the blue morning. He couldn't do anything but watch it. So much blood, from such a little gash… With a bit of a moan, he yanked his undershirt over his head and wrapped it firmly around the wound. Once the blood stopped coming, he'd go wash out his shirt in the washroom. It wouldn't be the first time he'd done it. The water got out almost all of the blood, and what was left, no one ever noticed.

            Lying back down upon the lumpy mattress, he could feel no other emotion but budding hatred at himself. Why was he the way he was? Why wasn't he normal? Why was it that every time he was with a girl, he couldn't get _Mush—of all the people in the world, the most ordinary, straight-laced person he knew—out of his mind? After a few more minutes of self-mutilating anger, he unwrapped his wrist and stared at it. Almost done bleeding, and his tears fell on the wound, blotting it. He walked across the room to the washroom, pumped the water quietly, and rinsed his shirt out. He avoided looking at himself in the chipped mirror as he did so. As soon as he was pretty certain the shirt was clean, he pulled it back over his head. It was colder than the inside of the ice wagon, but he swallowed it. He wasn't Mush—he couldn't afford to be seen without his shirt. His chest sunk in at all the wrong places, where thick muscles should jut out. He'd looked like this ever since a kid, but it was still a complete thought of embarrassment. He hugged his arms to himself, then marched back to his bunk._

            There would only be about twenty minutes left until Kloppman came to wake them up, so there was practically no point in himself falling asleep. However, exhausted by the emotion-strewn night, he fell into a deep dream almost immediately.

**:**

            _Clouds everywhere. It seemed like he was walking straight through them, through an endless battleground of clouds. A few moments later, Blink realized he was falling. Putting out his arms to either side, he caught himself between two clouds and hung there. Looking up, he saw Mush's face, peeking out from the side of a cloud above him. His face was golden in the reflecting sunlight, and lit up with a giant smile. He beckoned. Blink smiled back, and let go of the two clouds on either side. Instead of going up to Mush, however, he began to sink again. And now he couldn't get back up, only kept falling, and the clouds were slippery and he couldn't get a grip on another one. He yelled loudly, but it seemed like Mush was falling with him. A few more minutes, and Mush was beside him, his hand on his shoulder. His calming smile relaxed Blink, and the two floated downward, all the while through a world slowly growing more and more dark, more tremulous, more frightening. Blink reached out and Mush took his hand now, and still smiled. It started getting warmer and warmer, until both were dripping with sweat, slowly floating downward, holding hands. Blink looked down suddenly, and saw a sea of flames stretching straight across the horizon, from nothingness to nothingness, as far as he could see. He looked at Mush, panicked, but Mush didn't do anything but drop his hand and float back upward. Blink couldn't rise. Mush soared upwards, and Blink continued sinking, coming closer and closer to the fire…_

**:**

            "_Boots! Skittery, Skittery, Skittery!" The insanely loud voice of an equally insane old man shrilled through the air. "_Everybody_, wake up! C'mon, get up, get up, sell the papers!"_

            Blink had never been so happy to see the old face, in the room, now painted a vaguely lighter shade of blue. He shivered, remembering the sea of flames. Rubbing at his forehead, he caught sight of his slashed wrist.

            "Hey… what happened ta yer wrist?" Mush had just jumped down, as happy as always, though Blink could tell that today it was an act.

            "Nuttin'," Blink lied. "Ya all right now?"

            Mush nodded quickly, not wanting the other boys to see his weakness. "C'mon! Let's go sell the papers."

            It was strange, Blink noted, how both he and Mush were attempting to pretend they were carefree yet. Mush ducked when Race attempted to snap him with a towel, and Blink laughed as though normal.

            _Wonder how long we can keep this up…_

**[author's end notes: Eh, okay, that's probably the end of the dreams for a while. I know it ended in a weird spot, too… sorry 'bout that. Okay, this is the third time I wrote this friggin chapter, because we're in the middle of a winter storm and I have the stupidity to not save anything even when the power keeps going off. **shakes head at herself** But it finally got written, THANK GOD, and it only took, eh, three hours to do so. LOL!**]****

**[end of end notes: I am currently obsessed with the musical CATS. Have you guys seen the DVD of it??? OMG! I love Rum Tum Tugger and Mr. Mistoffelees and Mungojerrie and and and… **dreamy pathetic sigh** GAH! My mom's taking back the DVD on Monday! Then I've got to go buy my own! Haha!****]**


	3. chapter three: the fight

**[Pretend]**

**[by mondie]**

**[started: Feb. 17, 2003]**

**[disclaimer: I don't own the newsies or Kloppman, yada yada yada. If you don't know which characters are Disney's and which are my own, I'd be happy to enlighten you. But, really, if you don't know which characters are in the movie and which aren't, you have NOT watched the movie enough times. Shame, shame.]**

[chapter 3: the fight]

[chapter written: March 2, 2003]

**Seems like each time I'm with you I lose my mind**

-Sum 41, "In Too Deep"

**:**

            The sheets were back on the mattresses the following night. Mush couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed in this; even though his night without sheets had been anything but perfect, he still missed the scratchy mattress. Blink was back in the bunk beneath him tonight. Mush sprawled on his stomach onto his bunk, backwards, so that his face was hanging over the foot of the bed, to better catch a glimpse of the bunkroom as a whole. Swifty was attempting to learn a new card game that Racetrack had discovered that day at the tracks. Race stumbled over the instructions so often that Mush was fairly certain there was no real game, and it was just another ploy of Race's to get Swifty's money. Race had convinced him somehow that _this_ game, this new, wonderful game, was so frightfully easy that even _Swifty_ would excel. Unfortunately, Swifty had yet to do anything but lose fifteen cents in a flurry of fast dealing from Racetrack's deft hands.

            Blink stuck his head out of his bunk too, and looked up at Mush. "Hey," he said loudly, so that his voice would carry through the room. "It's too bad, Mush, that ya don't got yer plain mattress ta have sex with tonight." He smiled deviously. "Wouldja like me to come up there an' take away the sheets so you can pretend it's wash day?"

            The hollers and laughter that filled the bunkroom cut straight to Mush's heart. He forced a smile and then leisurely spat out, "Yeah, that'd be nice. And while yer at it, ya might as well take off my _clothes_ too, 'cause we all know that that's what you wanna see—_naked fellas." He laughed inwardly at the thought of Blink actually being like that… It was his favorite comeback to use against Kid Blink, because all the newsies knew that Blink would never be that way. It had all the necessary embarrassing qualities, but also the protection of everyone knowing that it was false._

            However, Blink's face flared hot pink instantly, and the pause between this accusation and his rebuke was just a moment too long. Finally, he swallowed and yelled back, "Yer so set upon that, I think it's _you_ who wantsta see the naked fellas!"

            Cowboy rose halfway from his seat on the floor beside Race, as if to break it up. But Race caught hold of his arm and wrenched him back down. "Let's see where this goes," he whispered, a smirk splitting his face. Swifty took advantage of Race's averted eyes and reached cautiously to where the fifteen cents were sitting, unprotected, next to Race. Without taking his eyes off the arguing Mush and Blink, Race smacked his hand down on Swifty's the moment before he stole some back. Swifty's eyes turned dark and he took back his hand with a bit of a pout, muttering curse words quietly under his breath.

            "Yeah?" Mush shouted back, rising up on his bunk and then jumping down to the ground. "Well, I noticed that you was staring at Dutchy fer five full minutes this morning when ya thought I was off down the street selling!" Lies, but, oh, how they made the other newsboys laugh!

            Blink jumped out of his bunk too, and stood so close to Mush that his eye seemed to bore straight through Mush's mind. "And I heard ya yellin' last night, Jonathon 'Mush' Meyers. When you were having that nightmare. You were yelling about yer father. Yeah, that's right!" he said, turning around so that he caught the eye of every newsboy in the lodging house. They were all looking at each other uneasily now, the joke having gone too long, and with Blink's rising, taking on an air of seriousness. Mush and Blink _never_ fought. Blink turned back to Mush, who was pure white under his tan overcast, and continued talking, so quiet that all the newsies leaned forward to catch his words. "And you were yellin' about how yer father used to…" He paused a moment, knowing that he was about to cross the line. Mush would never forgive him if he told this information—the information that Mush didn't think anyone knew. The information that Mush himself didn't know.

            "Yeah, Kid?" Mush asked, his voice icy in self-protection. "What were ya gonna say, huh? You'd better say it." His face was covered in silly, fake grandeur.

            Blink smirked, and shrugged lightly. "Ya were yellin' about yer father having _sex with you." He drew out the word __sex, making it three syllables._

            All chatter and laughter had left the room gradually, and now all the boys were silent, holding their breaths as they stared at the unfolding drama between Mush and Blink. Mush was staring hard at Blink, as if unsure how to react. Then, in a split second, he swung his fist straight into Blink's nose.

            Blink stared at him for a moment, then, as blood began to come pouring out, he lifted his arm blindly against Mush. It struck him in the shoulder, then the cheek. Mush hit back, and a moment later, the two were rolling on the ground, shouting and punching and kicking. Cowboy jumped up to split them, but was unsuccessful, as the two weren't really hitting at anything, and began punching Cowboy in their blind fury. Nursing his wounds, Cowboy stumbled away from the two angry boys. "You take it back!" Mush shouted, as Blink punched him in the eye and pain rocketed through his mind. Blink took advantage of the split second reeling Mush experienced, and shoved Mush's face into the wooden planking of the floor, hard. Mush wrenched his face upwards, and everyone could now see that a lacy scrape covered the entirety of the left side of his face, dripping blood.

            "But I can't take it back! It's true!" Blink yelled back, and Mush kicked him in the groin. He doubled up in pain, and Mush kept showering the blows on him. Blink's eye, his throat, his shins.

            "Take it back! Take it back!" Mush yelled, standing up to better kick at his friend. Tears and blood were smeared across his face, and he was shaking with misery. "My father did not do that!"

            "Listen to yerself! You know it's true!" Blink hollered back, kicking out a leg to stop Mush's foot from connecting with his body again.

            And with that, the pain suddenly stopped. Blink sighed in relief from the constant pounding of Mush's anger, and tried to look up at his friend. He winced. The area around his good eye was swelling, and blood from a cut above his eye blurred his vision. "It's true," he repeated again, but quietly this time, as if in defeat.

            Mush had turned away, and suddenly took off running as fast as his injuries would allow. "Mush!" Blink shouted after him, trying to rise to his feet, but his trembling knees giving way. The sound of Mush's feet pounding upon the boards of the stairs rushed through the room, followed by the heavy bang of the lodging house door slamming shut.

            "Goddammit," Blink cursed, and swallowed the blood that was pooling in his mouth. He noticed something solid rolling around beneath his tongue, and spit it out into his hand. A tooth. "Goddammit!" he yelled again.

            "You okay, Blink?" asked Specs tentatively.

            Blink didn't answer, just remained slumped on the ground.

            "C'mon, let's get you in bed," Crutchy said resolutely, hobbling to his feet from his seat of watching Swifty and Race playing cards, and sticking his crutch beneath his arm. "Help me out here, fellas." He motioned to Race, Swifty, and Cowboy, who clambered to their feet behind him. Cowboy hung back a bit, still a little wary of Blink's flailing fist.

            "Leave me alone," Blink said gruffly as they approached.

            Crutchy looked disapproving. "But Blink…" he began, his nasal tone taking on a motherly accent.

            "Leave me alone," Blink said again. The boys took a step back, watching as messy blood tainted his dark blond hair. With a shaky sigh, Blink pushed himself to his feet, and, limping like a war veteran, suffered his way to his bunk. He fell upon it heavily, and gradually the silence in the room gave way to whispers screaming with disbelief.

            "What the hell is going on with them?" Race asked Cowboy as the two went back to their bunks, Race absentmindedly shuffling his deck of cards, as he always did when he was anxious.

            Cowboy sighed, hoisting himself onto his bunk. "Heaven help me if I know," he answered.

            Kloppman's seedy voice pulsed up the stairs. "_Get ta bed! Did I hear someone leave? I hope whoever he is, he don't expect me to open the door for him at three in the morning! Go to sleep, ya bums!_"

            Blink, wounded further than just his bodily injuries, curled up into a ball as far as his aching limbs would allow, and cried quietly.

**:**

            Mush hated the streets at night. To be fair, he always hated the streets, but the after-dark streets of Manhattan teemed with the undesirable, unflattering folks of the underworld who were shut away during the daytime light. He shuddered as he limped his way down the street, avoiding eye contact and attempting to brush away as much of the blood from his body as he could. The tangy, metallic, bitter taste of his own blood filled his mouth and made him feel sick to his stomach. His feet were bare, because he'd already taken off his boots for the night, and he stepped upon a nail by accident. The rust upon the small nail settled itself in the wound, and he began to wince with every step, even after he'd thrown the nail far into an alley. He saw a few piles of sleeping newsboys in some alleys and side streets, and longed for the safety of the lodging house, as cutthroats leered at him. It was a truth that he and the other lodging house boys were somewhat higher than the street urchins who sold papers—the newsies who could afford the lodging house were the royalty of the newspaper-selling world.

            Finally, he realized he could take no more of this. He had already been stopped twice by people attempting to mug him, even though he was only wearing his longjohn bottoms and had no pockets to hide money in. He knew he looked a fright—had even been told so by a corner whore—and decided that he'd just forego his dignity and trudge back to his safety house. Surely the majority of the boys would be asleep by now, anyways, and wouldn't know of his descending return until the morning.

            It took about twenty minutes for him to manage his way back to the lodging house, and upon arrival, he discovered that the door was locked. He glanced around anxiously, his heart thudding in his throat. "God, please," he pleaded, feeling ridiculous but, at the same time, so helpless that he didn't know what else to do. He was just so _tired_ and _hurt and, really, all he wanted to do was sleep. And now even that was being denied him… He eased his eyes over to the fire escape, which was a favorite late-night entryway for Cowboy and Blink, who often found themselves locked out. But the jump to the lowest rung was so high… and his muscles screamed in a stark, resounding no at the mere thought of making that jump. He slumped against the door heavily, and then the knob turned, and he fell inside._

            "C'mon," the boy who'd opened it told him, and it took a moment for his spinning head to recognize the form as Kid Blink.

            "Kid? What're ya doin' down here?" Mush asked, confused.

            Blink shrugged. "I knew you'd come back here tonight. Ya left yer boots. An' Kloppman said he wasn't gonna let no one in. So I came down to wait for ya so you'd be able to get in."

            "But I thought you were mad at me."

            "I … well, I wasn't. Not really. It just… I dunno, I guess we just took our joking too far," Kid Blink said, and Mush noticed that he was limping, too, as he walked over to the staircase. Mush followed, just as gingerly, and the two slowly mounted the stairs, their painful grunts the only accompanying sound to the groaning stairs.

            "So… I'm sorry," Kid Blink said gingerly, when they reached the top, a few stances from the door leading into the bunkroom. "I didn't mean what I said. And I'm sorry about… what I said about yer dad."

            Mush was silent, and didn't move for a moment. Then he turned his bruised face slowly toward Blink. "Was it true? Really? What you said, I mean?"

            "Yeah," Blink answered, looking down at his feet. "Gawd, I'm so sorry, Mush."

            "So ya knew last night? Before ya even came up to cheer me up, before I told you that I put my father out of my head on purpose?"

            "Yeah." Blink was suddenly glad for the blinding effect the black eye had on him, because he didn't want to look and see the sadness upon Mush's face.

            "Why didn't you tell me?" Mush asked softly.

            Blink turned away. "I didn't want to upset you no more," he said, trying to make it sound off-hand. How could he explain that it had scared him, that he'd tried to put it out of his own mind? "Anyhow, like I said, I'm real sorry that yer dad did that to you."

            "It ain't yer fault." Mush offered a brief smile, before the pain of moving his cheek muscles hurt him too much. "Let's just go to bed, huh?" He slung his arm around Blink's shoulder, and both shared a wince that the action caused them, then began to laugh. "Hey," Mush pointed out, a bit of his former cheer in his voice, "looks like we got another thing in common."

            "Huh?" Kid asked, not following.

            "We both got nice shiners on our right eyes," Mush said with a laugh. "Kinda funny that even when we beat each other up, we injure each other the same way."

            "No, I didn't kick you down _there_, if you follow," Kid Blink said, a bit of hostility in his voice. Then his barking laugh sounded, shattering the illusion of his projected anger. "Remind me never to fight you again, Mush."

            "You got it, Kid," Mush agreed. "You as tired as I am?"

            "About to fall asleep right now," Blink answered.

            "Then why in the name of Mary are we standing out here, looking at the bunkroom door?" Mush moved forward, his arm still locked around Blink's shoulders, and opened the old door. He attempted to squeeze the both of them in through the doorway at the same time.

            "I don't think it's gonna work there, Mush," Blink laughed.

            "Shh," Mush warned, peering inside the darkened room, where snores were issued from various beds. He let his arm drop off his friend's shoulders, and they walked in, strangely separate and yet continuously linked.

            _Did he seem reluctant to let go of me? Blink wondered to himself. But he knew in his heart that he couldn't even hope for that. He squinted through the pain toward Mush, who was lit by the moonlight. Sure enough, Mush's right eye was swelling and bruising, and he was covered in the same kind of harsh wounds as Blink himself. Mush turned and grinned, his eyes and teeth wildly white in the off-shade produced by the nighttime orb. Such a beautiful face…_

            Blink smiled as he hobbled across the room, too. Perhaps he'd let himself hope for Mush's returned feelings. Just this once.

**[shoutouts**:

**rumor** : Oooh, my doggie's stupid… she annoys me constantly. LOL except right now, she's asleep right now on the puppy bed beside me. Haha! I love Skitts… random background newsies are my favey-daveys. Like Swifty. I heart Swifty too. Oooh, your "potential" thoughts about Mush's reluctance for guy on guy action after being abused is something I've been throwing around, too. But you won't know what I decided on it til later on in the story… Bwahaha! Yay, the "certain uncertainty" line was one of my favey-daveys of the last chapter. :D Hoo ha! It made me happy when my mind spouted that out. I was like, YAY! Gotta use that! Uberangsty! Yay! I'm all about uberness… and saying Toodlepip. Hmm. Woot! Yay for compliments! CELL BLOCK TANGO! I heart that song. Times like thirty thousand. It's one of my friend Lames' and my favey-davey songs. That, and When You're Good to Mama. Go go Chicago! I love freaking people out too… but it doesn't work anymore cuz everyone just takes it for granted that I'm a weirdo now. Haha! Lucky me! Thanks for the reviewage, hun!

**AaronLohrLover24** : Yes, slashy IS fun! **Devious smile** Fun to read, fun to write, fun to imagine… .oO*Oo. Awwww, thanks hun! I luffle you!!!

**Chronicles Bailey** : Hmmm… well, you're gonna have to wait a little while to see just how Mr. Meyers swings… maybe next chapter. LOL. Thanks for the review though! Sorry you're depressed… eh… *innocent smile*

**studentnumber24601** : Heh heh, the beginning of your review had me CRACKING UP! Yay for the throwage of newsiesage. **Mondie gives Blink!muse a cookie for being traumatized by 24601** WAHOO I MADE YOU TEARY! **gets edgy looks from various InvisiNewsies around the room** Eh… that didn't come out right. Mmmm, shirtless Mush… mucho agreement. I have him walking around half-naked far too much, I think. Aaron Lohr would shoot me for defamation of character. Or, wait, is it slander? I dunno, I took Business/Law last year, first semester. Anyhow. Yes, Blink's chest is gonna play a bigger role soon. Heh heh. Thanks for the review hun!

**Keza: Queen of Procrastination** : Yay for chuckling/chortling/gleeful giggling! **Mush copies sound** I love lodging house banter… I have the feeling that it's gonna be the only sense of relief and humor in this story, so I try to thrust it in at various parts. Such as Jack getting clobbered by fighting Mush and Blink in this chapter. And poor Swifty's lack of cards skills. And money-savingage. WHOO! I got a "this is so fucking good" from KEEEEEEEEEEZAH! That makes my day!!! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! I LUFFLE YOU OODLES! You're wonderful. :D :D :D :D

**Ali** : Oooh, long reviewage! Thanks! Hmmm… other languages… I like Newsies in Spanish audio… does that count?? I can't understand a word they say (Except Si!) but Mush is all this beautiful soft-spoken Spanish boy and it's wonderful. **warm fuzzy feeling** Oooh, my band director wants to take over the world. O_O He's new this year and the first thing he told us was that he wants to use our band to take over the world. Then we sang "I'm a Little Teapot" together. It was like we were back in grade school. It was nice. Hahaha! LOL like everyone's commented on that Blink-as-a-feline thing I threw in the last chapter… I think I've been watching CATS too many times. I want everyone in the WORLD to be cats. And to be able to dance like Jacob-I'm-A-God-Brent. Yay for half-naked Mush! And for the muscles of half-naked Mush… I enjoy the imagery. Oh, yes, I enjoy the imagery!! Yay for gay newsies snogging… I like bouncy Blink too! Blink's a strange character… but, oh, how I luffle him! Not as much as I luffle little Mushy hun, but still. It's nice that you and Kloppy have your own insane club… *eye shift, Mondie moves AWAY from Ali* LOL, j/j. Thank you for the long review and all the compliments! *stars in her eyes* I'm in shock. Haha!

**Omni** : Yay for Mushy… being Mush! Yeah, I didn't realize just how MUCH Mush is angsty over Blink but not the other way around until after I'd decided to write this… then it kinda came to my attention, and I was like, WHOA! Good thing I didn't make Mush gay… but if I'd done that, then Mush would officially have like THE most angsty life ever, and I couldn't do that to my baby. So instead he's the lustee, not the luster… eh… yeah. o_O Mush's mattress taking on Blink's characteristics… that WOULD be strange, eh? That wasn't very nice of Davey to steal your knife… Davey! Give it back! *Davey-wavey pouts, then shouts maniacally "HERE'S YER KNIFE!" and tries to kill everyone present* **Mondie slaps Davey** Thanks for the review Omni!! Toodlepip!

**Shortie** : **cowers** Sorry I made you cry and all sad… erm… want a cookie to make up for it? **Mondie smiles hopefully, then notices Mush has eaten all the cookies** Erm… damn. Sorry. Yeah, actually, you got Blink's chest described perfectly… that's what I'm going for. I don't care if it's not like that in the movie. It's like that in my story. Cuz… I'm the author. And I say so. Yeah. Yeah, I dislike Mush's dad… if you couldn't tell. I made him a sleaze bucket. And an idiot. And yes. Hopefully, we'll get to Mush talking about running away from home, in due time. Yes, yes, yes. :D Thanks for the review!

**Broadway** : Damn, I have to call in and then go to work soon. I don't wanna. I wanna quit. I hate work. I hate school. Bleh. LOL, let's see, what else can I hate? I hate… Nope, that's it. The list is complete. ;D Hahaha! Well, I'll see you shortly at work! Ciao dahlink!

**Sphinx** : Yay, thanks! I forgive you for being incoherent. **Mondie whistles** Hmm, I wish I really could whistle… I try, but I can only make one note. Hahaha! Okay, that was random… **Mondie wanders away** Thanks for the review!!!

**Shade of Temair** : Lookie lookie, you put up TWO new stories without my having to update No Day! I'm kinda stuck on that one right now… ((THE STORY OF MY LIFE)) but I'm trying. Yeah. Not sure where I'm going on the next chapter, though. I don't really know where Pie Eater popped up from, but now I'm not sure how to fix him into the plot. Maybe I need to go back to reading more of my Anne Rice book to get back in the feel of vampy love. :D Thanks for the review though!!! I miss you Shadersinski!

**hilaRyB** : Oooh, I don't think we've talked before! **spitshake** Thanks for the review! And thanks for the compliments! **Hot pink blush** I'm glad you like this story. It's my current baby. I love it too. **Huggle huggle huggle story**

**Blinks-Tiger** : Yay yay yay! I like the bouncing and the glomping, haha! OOOH CATS! My favey-daveyness right now… I AM GOING TO MARRY JACOB BRENT IF I DO NOT MARRY AARON LOHR AND IF NEITHER WILL HAVE ME THEN I'LL JUST LIVE A LONELY LIFE WATCHING THEM DANCE IN THEIR VARIOUS MUSICAL ENDEAVORS. *sigh* Wonderful life I lead, really. Haha! Thanks for the review hun!

**Nitterneet (aka Bittersweet)** : Yay for life alterations such as the beautimous song "Seize the Day"! I'm all about watching the Chorale version in slow motion right now. Mush is a really cute singer in slow motion. Eh. It's all right that slash creeps you out as long as you keep reading. Bwahahaha! It's gonna get slashier soon… like next chappy. Ooooooh. Slashy slashy SLASHY! I LIKE YOU HERE! So it can be your home. I say so. Okay, I'm gonna go upload this now.

**:end of shoutouts]**

**[end notes**: I'm planning on sending excerpts of chapter 4 to certain good reviewingage friends of mine, like Mis, and seeing what they think the rating should be. It might be a little graphic. Therefore, if they agree with me that it should be R, the story rating will change. Therefore, it will no longer be on the front page when you first arrive—but I hope you all still continue to read it! Cuz… yes, I want you to. Bwahahaha. Oh, and Mis (and whoever else wants a sneak peek, let me know and make sure I have your email), don't expect it soon… I have it all planned out (have for weeks, too), but I haven't written it yet. But, LORDY, it's gonna be hot. Steaming hot. Ooooh, I can't wait.**]******


	4. author's note

**[Pretend]**

**[by mondie]**

**[started: Feb. 17, 2003]**

[author's note]

[written: March 24, 2003]

**Walking through fire without a burn**

-RENT, "I Should Tell You"

**:**

            First of all, I'd like to thank the wonderful girls of the NJL (Newsie Justice League) for their undying support and anger on my behalf. I think you guys (especially my girl, Skittles) were more angry than I was! I don't know what I'd do without all of you and your faith in me. It's what keeps me going, seriously. I love each of you!

            Second of all, I also want to thank every other reviewer of this story. The insight and suggestions, comments and compliments are so wonderful! It's so exciting to have people like my ideas.

            Third, thanks to everyone who read chapter 4 and left me reviews. Unfortunately, I didn't get to read them.

            As some of you know, ff.net deleted this story and suspended me for not changing the rating. I didn't get a chance to read most of the reviews left on chapter four, and I apologize for that. In retrospect, I'm sorry I didn't change the rating, but in another way, I don't really think I did anything wrong. I mean, I plastered all over that chapter not to read it if you didn't feel comfortable, and said it would _not_ harm your story comprehension, as I'd leave a synopsis. But I guess it wasn't okay for some people. I don't know who reported me, nor do I particularly care anymore. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. But I won't be kept down! -laughs- You can't get rid of me _this_ easily.

            It's really probably a very good thing that I couldn't post right after my story got deleted, because, as the ever-supportive girls of the NJL know, I was so mad and depressed that I don't know what I would have said and later regretted. Again, thanks to those girls, for bringing my spirits back up. Everything they did is appreciated. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

            So when I upload chapter 4 in a few days, I will change the story rating to R. Please, if you plan to continue reading this (and I really hope you do), keep an eye out for it. ^_^

            Again, thank you to everyone who has left me reviews, chapter 4 will be reposted soon, and chapter 5 is on its way.

**                                                                                    ~Mondie**


	5. chapter four: finding truth

**[Pretend]**

**[by mondie]**

**[started: Feb. 17, 2003]**

**[disclaimer: I don't own the newsies or Kloppman, yada yada yada. If you don't know which characters are Disney's and which are my own, I'd be happy to enlighten you. But, really, if you don't know which characters are in the movie and which aren't, you have NOT watched the movie enough times. Shame, shame.]**

[chapter 4: finding truth]

[chapter written: March 6, 2003]

**I love you! Take me, take me, I love you!**

-RENT, "Contact"

**:**

**[loud warning: _THIS CHAPTER IS RATED "R"_. I seriously do not want anyone to read it who will get angry with me. It might be best not to read it at all if you know me, because it will frighten you that my mind is working this way. Especially do not read this if you are my mother. Or my aunt. Or a youngun. I'm warning you now, it's slash, and it's graphic, and it's all coming up in this chapter. If you don't feel comfortable reading it, I'll slide back into my groove for the following chapters, and I will include a chapter synopsis of this one at the beginning of the next chapter. STOP READING IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. I WILL INCLUDE A CHAPTER SYNOPSIS NEXT CHAPTER TO FILL ANYONE IN.****]**

**[mucho gracias to ****misprint, ****Keza: Queen of Procrastination, and **Shade of Temair** for previewing this chappy for me and giving insight. **Mondie builds Racetrack!muse a new cardhouse as SnipesCripes shoves mischevious!itey down the stairs** Nuuu… bad, BAD SnipesCripes… **Mondie helps michevious!itey back up the stairs and everyone decides to go burn Snipes at the stake****]**

**[also, big shoutout to ****Mush's Skittles, who has been busy promoting my story without me even saying anything to her. She's a total sweetie and I heart her mushly-muchly!****]**

**[Lastly, the bashing of Snipes and Jake in the following chapter is simply an indulgent act of mine. I found it humorous. Those who count themselves as fans of Snipes/Jake might not think it so funny. Oh well, it's _my_ story.****]**

**:**

            Blink yawned mightily, his jaws gaping open like a snake about to swallow a mouse. Mush looked over at him and laughed. Several weeks had passed since their fight, and both were looking much better for it; still, Blink's limp hadn't quite gone away, and the scrape covering Mush's face was taking its time with healing, so that it looked like he was wearing a deep crimson section of lace across his left cheekbone. The two had sold nearly all their papers for the morning, and were rather jubilant over this fact. They jauntily sat upon the base of Horace Greeley's statue in the square which all newsies frequented. Snipeshooter went running by, hawking his headlines, then tripped over his shoelace and went sprawling across the ground. He cried out as he landed, and then found himself rewarded for his clumsiness with a bloody nose. A young mother, pushing a pram with her child in it, stopped to help him, obviously feeling sorry for him, and looked about ready to buy all his papers to make him feel better. However, Snipes chose that moment to spout out just about every curse word Cowboy had ever taught him, and the lady's face burned scarlet as the vulgar words touched the pink shells of her ears.

            "Stupid bastard kid," Blink commented, pulling out a cigarette he'd swiped from Snitch that morning. "Why didn't 'e let her help him? I betcha five bucks she woulda bought all dem papes."

            "Yeah," Mush agreed, but he sounded vague, as if he wasn't paying attention. Blink looked over at him, then followed his gaze across the square. "Who ya watchin'? The only one over there is some man."

            "Yeah," Mush agreed again, accompanying himself this time with a sigh. His chin was nestled in his hand, and he was openly staring. "Look at 'im, Kid."

            Blink looked at the man. Tousled hair, honey blond, and a giant smile. He now had his arm loosely around the waist of a young girl who'd just come over to him, and she was clapping her hands as he told a particularly entertaining story. "What about him?"

            "What, you never want that?" Mush persisted, not taking his eyes off the couple.

            "To be rich? Or to be in love?" Blink asked back, scratching his head absentmindedly. "I s'pose neither one'd be too bad, eh?"

            Mush looked at him sideways, and then slowly reached up and took Blink's hand away from his head. "Don' tell me you got fleas," he warned. Blink's pulse sped up at the touch, and he swallowed hastily, trying to draw his eye away from Mush's face. But he couldn't. He couldn't. Mush turned away first, dropping Blink's hand in the process. "An' I wasn' talkin' about _being him, Kid."_

            "Den what were ya sayin'?" Blink retorted, feeling foolish. He hated it when Mush got into his philosophical moods. It was pretty damn annoying, in fact.

            "I was talkin' about wanting to be _with_ him."

            "With him? What, like his bruddah? So you'd be rich, too?" Blink's hand began to scratch at his head again, but at a warning glance from Mush, he dropped it back into his lap like a guilty child.

            "Forget it," Mush said softly, jumping off the statue.

            "Now, wait!" Blink practically yelled, lunging after him. "You can't bring up all this and then not tell me what the hell you're talking about!"

            Mush snapped about on his heel, and Blink took in a sharp intake of breath upon realizing just how close they were. "I wanna be…" Mush's voice wasn't angry, but insistent, as if there was nothing in the world he wanted more than to make Blink understand him. "I wanna be the goil in 'is arms, okay?" Mush finally said.

            "What!"

            Mush seemed to take Blink's incredulous response as anger or confusion, and began walking away quickly. Blink shook his head, trying to organize his vaguely comprehending thoughts. Suddenly, he seemed to realize just what this meant. With a shout, he hurried after his friend. "Mush! Wait!"

            "You don' wanna talk to me," Mush said forlornly, not decreasing his pace.

            "No! No, I do! Mush, listen to me!" Blink sprinted in front of his friend, then caught hold of his shoulders. "I… I do know what you mean."

            Mush raised an eyebrow at him, and for a long while, they stood there. Then Mush gave a loud laugh. "You _do_?" he asked, sounding almost too happy, even for him. "But then why the hell don't you stay up late with the rest of us?"

            "The rest of you?" Blink asked.

            Mush snorted in laughter. "Don't tell me you… you're like us… and you _still go to bed when Kloppman tells us to, like all the normal boys!"_

            "Normal? Hey, what are you getting at?"

            Mush's laughter was so loud, he doubled up to better breathe. "Why d'ya think that Itey always shares his bed, huh?"

            Blink's cheeks flamed with naïveté. "He's nice?" he guessed.

            Mush shook his head slowly, tears of laughter and relief streaming down his cheeks. "Uh-uh. No way. Just you wait til you see him after dark, he ain't nice then. He likes to pretend that he's this… I dunno, like a jungle cat or summin', an' then 'e makes Bumlets come an' hunt 'im…"

            "Bumlets?" Blink asked in surprise.

            "Oh, yeah, Bumlets!" Mush answered. "Bumlets, Itey, Snitch, Skittery… an' Cowboy when 'e's drunk…"

            "An' you fellas do this… ev'ry night?" Kid Blink asked, trying to take it all in.

            "Aw, no, jus' on Saturdays. 'Course, who knows what Itey does… 'e's usually got another fella in his bunk, no maddah what, you know that… but the rest of us, on Saturdays." Mush had a firm and confident smile on his lips. "So, what, you never knew about it? God, you _are_ a heavy sleeper, ain't ya?"

            "And you… what do you fellas… ya know, do?" Blink asked, licking his lips, simultaneously ignoring Mush's laughing accusations.

            Mush gave another derisive laugh, then shook his head. "Jus' you wait till tonight, Kid. Tonight yer gonna find out."

            "But it ain't Saturday! It's Tuesday!" Blink argued, as Mush put his arm around his shoulder and began to move him back in the direction of their neglected papers, on Horace's lap.

            "Believe me, the secret days that aren't Saturday are even better," Mush answered in hardly more than a whisper. Then he shrugged. "Like ya told me, Kid, it's a lonely life we lead. Some of us have just figured out how to not make it so lonely."

            They got back to the statue, to find their papers gone. Snipeshooter came gleefully running over, though.

            "Look! I got yer papes!" he sang, running around them in a circle. "Tra la la, tra la la! You left 'em, now they're mine! Tra la la, tra la—"

            Blink put out his foot and Snipeshooter fell over it, cutting him off. Blood began gushing from his nose again. Blink shrugged at Mush and continued walking, after snatching back their papers. "Stupid bastard kid."

**:**

            The bunkroom was loud. In all honesty, it was just as quiet as it ever was when Blink went to sleep; but then again, he'd never really had a reason to notice the noise before. Tonight, he wasn't the least bit tired. His heart pumped adrenaline straight through his veins. He wished everyone would just go to sleep. The air was electrified with the sighs and creaking springs of various newsies shifting, and some inane boy was singing loudly from the washroom. Blink realized with a groan that it was Jake, when the singing increased and crescendoed to a loud, higher-than-high note that would have shattered the eardrums of weaker boys than those present. Boots threw one of his namesakes at the washroom door, but the note continued. Boys started to yell threats, and the grumbling increased in the room.

            And the whole time various boys plotted Jake's death, Blink sat in a saturating cold sweat, aware of every twist of the body in the bunk above him.

            Finally, Cowboy got up, went into the washroom, punched Jake in the jaw, and the singing stopped. They went to their beds, Jake getting slapped and hit by sleepy boys his entire walk back to his bunk. The air began to settle now, finally, until a complete silence blanketed the room like a fine dusting of snow. Blink began to count the seconds, his heart hammering. They'd agreed that Mush should come down from the top bunk, because the higher bunks squeaked more than the lower ones. Had Mush forgotten? Had Mush fallen asleep? Maybe he should wake him up. Maybe he was scared to wake him up…

            And then, when Kid Blink had almost given up hope and was about to allow himself to sleep, he heard a slight motion of the springs above him, a quiet groaning of wood. His pulse skyrocketed again, and he clutched to his blanket as if it were his last lifeline. Then a leg waved into sight, followed by the other. Next, the slow, acrobatic descent of Mush soundlessly to the floor. Without a word, he crawled into Blink's bunk and flattened himself on top of his best friend.

            Blink was a bit frightened and nervous and awkward. His hands seemed too big and too clumsy as they tentatively touched Mush's back. But Mush was having no problems at all. He had begun pressing kisses to Blink's lips almost immediately, his left hand circling Blink's waist, his right cradling Blink's head. Hungry kisses, hasty kisses, heated kisses. Mush pulled away for just one instant, and smiled. Blink couldn't help but smile back. "Just relax," Mush whispered. "It's okay." He then took to kissing Blink again. And Blink did begin to relax, now rather enjoying the bulky weight of Mush's muscles baring upon his body. The feeling of the heaviness seemed to squish everything out of him but love. And Mush's hands were now helping to guide his, lower and lower on Mush's back. Such beautifully soft skin. Blink traced Mush's spine, sending a shuddering shiver through Mush's body. It felt good, to have Mush trembling against him.

            Mush sat up suddenly, and purposefully grabbed hold of the hem of Kid Blink's undershirt. "No," Blink said, a slight panic taking over. He fought for a moment to keep his shirt on, then Mush convinced him otherwise with a slight, pressuring kiss pressed firmly on his lips. He held up his arms as if he'd just lost a war, and Mush pulled the shirt off and threw it expertly onto the floor beside them. He looked down at Blink's chest, and saw the way it sunk in, just there, next to his heart. Blink closed his eyes, his heart dropping to his feet. If Mush rejected him now—he'd put too much of himself out there. He just couldn't handle it if Mush was harsh, now. Not now. "It's been like that since I was a kid," he said gruffly, wishing he could have his shirt on again.

            Mush paused only a moment, then a look of delight crossed his face. "Oh, God, Blink! Don't you know you're beautiful?" he whispered, straddling Blink's torso with a sweet smile situated on his lips. He leaned down, his back arching gracefully, and lightly kissed Blink's chest. Beads of sweat suddenly covered Blink's forehead, and he leaned his head forward so far it nearly snapped off his neck, and kissed Mush's forehead. Anything, to let Mush know how wonderful he was.

            Mush's kisses swelled up Blink's collarbone, journeying up his neck, crossing his cheekbones, then back down in a symmetrical pattern on the other side. His kisses continued, down the center of Blink's stomach. Mush pushed his own body down farther, easily sliding on Blink's sweat-soaked skin, as he kissed farther, surpassing Blink's bellybutton and coming to the edge of his undershorts. A devious smile licked at the corners of his lips as he traced the top of the shorts with the finger pointers of both hands, coming together in the middle, separating and drifting to his sides, then back to the middle. It was agonizing. Blink lay in perfect turmoil as Mush continued to toy with the line of skin just above the cloth. Blink was about to rip the underclothing off himself when Mush suddenly hooked his fingers over the edge of the shorts, on either of his sides. Blink raised his head halfway and looked at Mush's face as the material slowly began to slide off of him. Mush's eyes were poised directly on Blink's face, as if he was unaware of the shorts he was pulling off. Finally, Blink felt the thin fabric, cheap cotton, pass the point of exposure, and then Mush nimbly shoved them off the rest of the way, losing his eloquence in a flash of hurrying. Now he broke his gaze with Blink for a second, then looked back up with a rather impressed smile. "Well, well. Never knew _that was down there, did I?" he said, almost calmly. "Or else," he continued, kissing his own fingertips and then pressing the kisses into Blink's right leg, "I probably would've talked to you sooner about the Saturday night flings." He continued pressing the kisses into Blink's thigh, a slow, upwards-moving line of passion. Blink stared at him, completely unsure of this alluring, appetizing, as well as hungry, Mush. "Right?" he asked, in a husky whisper. Then his lips began the kisses again, coming so dangerously close to Blink's manhood that Blink began to feel himself getting hard. Mush merely laughed, then lay down upon Blink again. Putting his arms severely around his best friend, he rolled slightly so that they were both laying on their sides, staring at each other. "Wait a minute," he said, kicking off his own undershorts. Then he put his left hand behind Blink's head, tilting it to better receive his hungry kisses, something Blink didn't mind at all. He closed his eyes, enjoying the calming effect of Mush's tongue against his. Then something else… Kid Blink's eyes opened in surprise. Mush's right hand had found its way down Blink's stomach, pausing to teasingly circle his bellybutton, and now had him—all of him—in its grasp. Blink's breath came in hurtling chokes as he tried to control himself, but Mush's kneading hand and probing tongue combined were almost too much. He was getting harder, and harder, and harder. Mush was loving it, he had stopped kissing and was now just laughing, looking down at his handiwork with an almost sinister grin._

            "Oh… God… oh… God…" Blink muttered anxiously, his breath escaping in short huffs that were hardly appealing. "Oh… God!"

            "That's it," Mush coaxed, his brown eyes flitting back to Blink's face. "Relax." And then he was gone from sight, having scooted down the bed. Blink's hands grasped for the headboard, and his mouth gaped in soundless appreciation as Mush's tongue began to lick at him. A few more seconds, and it was over. A loud sigh of relief issued from Blink's lips, and Mush's grinning face popped back into view. Mush kissed him, hard, with a lust previously unseen, and Blink kissed him back, even harder. Then Mush suddenly rolled under Blink, lying on his back, looking up at Kid Blink almost innocently. "My turn," he whispered, pulling Blink on top of him. More kisses, then Blink paused. _He wasn't experienced like this; __he didn't know what to do._

            "What's wrong?" Mush asked, looking almost wounded. "Don't you think I look good?"

            Blink stared at him, entranced. "Good enough to eat," he finally mumbled, wishing he could curb his desire. This wasn't right, it wasn't right… but then who could say that it was wrong, either?

            "Then taste me!" Mush shrilled, laughter rocking his body. Blink tried to remember how Mush had kissed his body, but it was completely different when he was the one having to excite. Finally, he just decided to attack Mush's body his own way. He began with his favorite of Mush's many attributes—his stark stomach muscles, which stuck out in very appetizing hunks of sinew. He was just about to kiss his way through the maze they created, when—

**:**

            "_Get up! Get up, get up, get – oh. Hey, why the hell are you boys already up?" Kloppman's reedy voice spilled through the room. Blink jerked awake, groping at the remaining scenes of the already-fading dream._

            "You don' wanna know, believe me, Kloppy," said Swifty, in an awed voice. Blink looked over in surprise. His bunk was surrounded by newsies, and they were all leering at him.

            "Well… well… get ev'ryone else up! I've got work to do!" Kloppman roared, pushing his way past boys back to the door. He stomped down the steps, his walking stick accenting every other pounding footstep.

            "Hey… what's goin' on?" Blink asked, concerned as to why everyone was gathered around his bunk.

            "Blink?" It was Cowboy who stepped forward, and he looked disturbed. "What you was jus' moanin' about—was you really sleeping?"

            Blink looked from boy to boy anxiously. _Moaning_? He wondered what the hell he'd moaned.

            "Oh, my God," Skittery said, his mouth opening slightly at the tension-filled pause. "He _was_ really sleepin'!"

            Blink tried to grasp to the dream—he seemed to remember something about a singing Snipeshooter—then it came to him. He remembered Mush's kisses, how real they'd been… a giant smile crossed his lips, unbeckoned.

            But the boys seemed to take it a different way. They burst into loud laughter. "See, I told ya 'e was jus' playin' with us!" Cowboy crowed, thumping Racetrack on the shoulder.

            "But—" Kid Blink started, realizing what they'd thought and attempting to play along with them.

            "Face it, Blink, you got an even worse poker face than Swifty. You can't hide nothing," Race said. "Plus you just grinned like an idiot. Word to the wise, if you're gonna try to fake us all out, ya gotta wait til we've all gone away before smiling and giving yerself away."

            "Thanks, Race," Blink said, trying to sound serious.

            "Yer strange, Blink," Race told him, wandering away like the others already had.

            "Thanks, Race," Blink called again, hugging his knees and his thoughts to himself.

            Mush stuck his head over the edge of his bed, and tilted it slightly. Blink looked up at him expectantly. Mush said quietly, "You—you wasn't playin' with them. You—you really was asleep. Asleep!" He pulled his head back up into his bunk. Blink stared up the place where Mush's face had just been. All the color was gone from his complexion.

[aw, c'mon, just TELL me you didn't see that coming. There was a hint right from the very beginning—all other occurrences in this story have been at nighttime. The fact that I had the guys walking around, actually SELLING PAPERS (it's like they're actually newsies or something! LOL j/j) should have been a white flag from the get-go. Or not. LOL but yeah. And there, Kez—since it was dream-Blink, no Jake was actually harmed in this chapter. Only dream-Jake. …Blink will never again have dreams about Jake, I guarantee it.]

[shoutouts:

Shade of Temair : Blink's a hottie. I luffle him dearly. He's definitely my second-favey-davey after MushyDarling. That's why I used to bring him along on run-on reviews with me. But lately he's been running away and comes back with the smell of cheap liquor on his breath and his arm around some skank-nasty girl named Elvira who wears too much lipstick and has a mole the size of Kentucky on her chin. It's the strangest thing… Anywhooz! Thanks for stealing into Mis' inbox to read my little excerpt. It made me happy. Although when I first opened my inbox and saw TWO messages of different sizes from Mis, with Kez's reply in the middle, I thought Mis went insane. Yes, yes. But now it's all good. Thanks hun, luffle you!

AaronLohrLover24 : Ooooh thanks thanks thanks! I really hope you're not about to kill me for what I just did. Eep. I'm really soooo glad you liked it as much as you did! I've never really written out a fight scene before… yikes, this is like the story full of firsts for me! Dirty boy on boy action… fighting… and who knows where I'm going from here. I sure don't. Thanks hun!

Arlene : **Mush hands you a new pair of eyes** Hey, I don't care when you see this story, as long as you see it! :D Wow, thanks for the awesome review!!! I'm so glad that you like this, it's so much fun to write. I have great fun describing Mush from Blink's pov. Oui, oui. Next chapter is probably going to be some fantabulous angsty-Mush. I'm excited for that as well. Thanks for the reading and reviewingage! Luffle ya doll!

misNITCH (aka Misprint) : LOL that's what I thought about too, Mush's foot getting infected. I'm not really sure where that little literary gem threw itself out of, but I'm not going to dwell on it, and I'm also not making him get infected. That would get in the way of all the lurvely boy-action that he might partake in later in the story (I haven't decided yet, actually). No, no, no Mush rape… well, actually, that could be interesting… **InvisiNewsie GayBlink looks up excitedly** Then again, maybe not. **GayBlink sighs in devastation** Perhaps Race *will* have a nice little tea party. I'm sure he'd enjoy that. I just got a weird flash of Toy Story, when Sid's little sister dresses up Buzz Lightyear and plays tea party with him. Race can wear a frilly apron and a nice hat with a flower on it. WOW, was my fight really that good? Cuz I didn't think it was. I had to revise it like thirty times, because … yeah. I've hardly even SEEN fights, except those on TV and in movies, and like NONE in real life. So it was basically all getting made up with a weird mixture of Austin Powers movies. Strange, actually. Blood doesn't make for a good slash fic. Maybe I should remember that in the future… Luffle you tons, Misers!!!

rumor : *innocently* Me? Throw a wrench into the perfect lives of my newsies? Whatever in the world are you talking about? Seriously, I'm having too much fun with this story, I think. CHICAGO ROCKS! Ya know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic. BAM! LOL I love that line. She has my favorite story. Lames' favorite story is the "carving up the chicken" one, and Kim performed the popping gum one for her… sophomore English class? Either soph or junior year, I don't remember. No, not chewing… POPPING! LOLOL. Okay, shutting up now. So are you about to kill me for this chapter or not??

hilaRyB : Mush hasn't really gotten over this fast. As you're gonna see soon, these boys are better actors than they let on. The next chapter is gonna be all angsty-Mush, full of doubting and hatred and all those things that make him further quiet and further sweeter and further LOVABLE. Lingering touches and injured boys make me happy as well!!! Especially when they're everyone's favey-davey slashy couple, Mush and Blink! God, they're too cute together. **Aaron Lohr and Trey Parker arrive, glaring, on Mondie's doorstep, carrying clubs and planks of wood** Eep! Gotta go… **runs away, but not before grabbing Aaron Lohr's hand and handcuffing him to her ankles so that he must kiss the ground she walks on**

BitterSweet : Well, at least you're enjoying feeling creeped out… ^^;; Oooh, is your teacher gonna let you watch Newsies??? I hope so. I really really really do. Mad love and lobster claws right back atcha, hun! Luffles ya!

Omni : **hands you an ice-cream sandwich** I gave up between-meal snacks for Lent ((OH MY GOODNESS IT'S HARD)) and so if *I* wanted an ice cream sandwich (which I DO, ever since you brought it up) I'd have to have it as dessert. Yesterday I bought myself a mint-Oreo Blizzard from Dairy Queen and I put it in my freezer for dessert. It was yummylicious. Erm… you're crazy when you're hyper. Yeah, but I already knew that, huh? LOL. Thanks for the review, Omns.

Keza: Queen of Procrastination : Desperation *is* a good word to describe this story. So's Mondie's-going-insane-we'd-better-all-pretend-to-like-this-story-so-she-doesn't-go-on-a-killing-spree-and-maim-all-of-our-original-characters-in-a-fluffy-one-shot-bit-concerning-snyder's-daughter-and-three-of-the-newsies'-sisters-and-a-giant-three-eared-bunny-named-Rufus. Uh-huh. I don't really get the SparkHiggins comment, though—did she write a story like this?? Or something?? I'm confused.  
Mush: the story of your life.  
Mondie: Shaddup, InvisiNewsie. –they snog forever- Thanks for the reviewingage dahling!

Mush's Skittles : **hands you the award for Most-Exuberant Reviewer-and-Plugger Ever** Wow, hun! I'm really sooo happy that you like this story so much! And that you're making others read it too! LOL it's great! AND I WANNA BE MUSH'S MATTRESS TOO! Didja know that Aaron Lohr showed up on my doorstep with Trey Parker in my shoutout to hilaRyB?? It was scary. They were trying to kill me for saying they were a cute couple. ^^ Yes, the Blink/Mush fight scene was strange… it was strange for me, and I frickin' wrote it! LOLOL! **Loans Itts some of her strange-fic writing talent** Here ya go. Thirty cents per day, with a five thousand percent interest rate.

Shortie : Good! That's what was SUPPOSED to happen with the fight scene! LOL! Yay for the plot bunny! **Plot bunny hops around the room. Mush hops after it, attempting to catch it. GayBlink runs out holding a carrot. StraightMush stares at GayBlink, then goes hopping away. GayBlink hops after him** Ack, I haven't yet decided whether or not I'll make Mush gay. That's really disturbing, about the M&Ms… were they still edible?! LOL thanks for the review Shorts, it's great! Luffle ya tons!

GLimmer Conlon O'Leary : Wasn't that nice of Skittles to threaten you for me? LOL seriously, no one's ever advocated my stories like she just did! I was so happy. It nearly made me tear up. After I said WAHOO! and jumped around my house like StraightMush and GayBlink chasing after the plot bunny of Shortie. Erm… yeah. I'm glad that I nearly killed you. LOL thanks for the compliments and the nice nice nice nice nice nice remarks!!! And thank Skittles for me too. LOL!

Broadway : Erm… well, you tried to leave a review… so HI! Hope you have fun at Eastern tomorrow! Oooh… maybe some cute guy will hit on you but instead of you taking him, you can bring him BACK to VW and he'll fall madly in love with me and insist upon being my prom date! LOL it could happen, right??? Yeah…

all in all, thanks so much, you guys! The fight scene was fun to write, even though it was tres sad. Thanks for all the input and reviews. :D]


	6. chapter five: discovery

**[Pretend]**

**[by mondie]**

**[started: Feb. 17, 2003]**

**[disclaimer: I don't own the newsies or Kloppman, yada yada yada. If you don't know which characters are Disney's and which are my own, I'd be happy to enlighten you. But, really, if you don't know which characters are in the movie and which aren't, you have NOT watched the movie enough times. Shame, shame.]**

[chapter 5: discovery]

[chapter written: March 25, 2003]

**I don't want your pity, only the promise that you'll stay with me tonight**

-Dave Matthews Band, "Captain"

**:**

            The days weren't so bad.

            It was the _nights_ that were killing him.

            Pain coursed through every available outlet to Mush's body. Fear jerked his limbs about in an unpredictable manner, and no matter how hard he closed his eyes against his memories, they seeped through.

            How was it possible?

            How could his father—the person that a boy should be able to trust unconditionally—do such a thing? It brought a sense of not only anger, but shame, to Mush's heart. He remembered it now, and now that the idea he'd shoved out of his mind presented itself in an exuberant blaze of showing-off, he couldn't see how he'd be happy again. His father had done that! To him! A six-year old boy! Mush remembered now the night he'd run away, hiding in the orchard trees while his father angrily searched for him, then how he'd decided to get to New York City. The boy, seven years old and, for the extra year, wise to the world, with the pale blond hair which had darkened over the years… the boy who'd helped him run away, the one who'd taught him secrets of the street. The only brother Mush had ever known, the only person to help him out no matter what danger it put the both of them in. _How lucky I am, really, to have Kid Blink…_ Kid Blink. The one who'd delivered Mush from his hell, a lonely pit decorated with shameful nights and burning eyes filled with wrong, wrong lust.

            Those eyes—those dark, glaring eyes of his father—seared his skin as though a blaze. They were everywhere in his dreams, taking up residence in everyone's faces, from Kid Blink to Medda to little Les Jacobs. Horrid eyes. Horrid for everything they represented, everything that caused him not to be able to sleep anymore.

            Because Mush had learned not to sleep. No matter how tired he was, the emotion was flat in comparison to the shuddering images produced by his subconscious mind. Every day, the bags under his eyes grew darker, finally coming to rest in a dull ash shade. His eyelids grew swollen and drooped constantly. And as he began to attempt to grasp at the idea of the truth that Kid Blink had told him, that disgusting statement which had changed his life, maybe forever, he began to become more quiet, more drawn-in. Of course, he still attempted to save face, still joked and laughed, still tried to smile. But it was hard. It was _so hard…_

            The restless movement in the bunk beneath him one night showcased the fact that he wasn't the only one awake. He contemplated talking to Blink, but instead kept silent, not really wanting to have to listen to a long, pointless story as to why Blink couldn't sleep. _Probably some girl breaking his heart again,_ Mush thought, rolling his eyes upward and inwardly scoffing. How Kid Blink had changed! From a trustful soul, an escape hatch, to an exact copy of every other boy in the lodging house. Mush was sick of Kid Blink and his problems with females.

            There was a thud from beneath him, and a moment of tense silence, as if Kid had realized how loud the noise had been and was afraid of waking someone. Mush wondered vaguely what the sound was, then heard it again, but softer. Strange… a metallic clink. Like the nail that was firmly planted in the sole of Kid Blink's boot, keeping the shoe held together… Mush now had to fight curiosity, as he heard a sharp intake of breath, then the uneasy, unusual rhythm of breathing that came with crying. Harsh cries, heartbreakingly sad cries. Mush lay, paralyzed, above him. _Kid…_

            Then a loud struggle, one man, hasty breathing, a quieted curse word. More tears. And then a stumbling walk, the tears fading into the washroom. Noiselessly, Mush climbed down from his bunk, and set after his friend determinedly. Halfway to the washroom door, his bare foot planted firmly into something warm, fluid. He looked down. Even in the vague, dark lighting of the room, he could tell that it was a darker spot than the rest of the floor. Leaning down, he touched it experimentally, then lifted his finger to his lips. A darting tongue confirmed his suspicion. _Blood._

            He sprinted to the washroom, his heart beating wildly, wondering that he wouldn't see Kid Blink lying in a pool of his own blood, already dead. What would he do if Blink was gone? How could he survive without the support of his best friend, the one-eyed pirate who'd caused or been present for so many of Mush's triumphs, as well as his losses? They were a duo, a pair, a team. For all the joking and jesting they pulled with each other, they were closer than blood relation, and there would be no way he'd survive if Blink wasn't around. Ever. Guilt attacked his heart, for ignoring him just minutes before. Blink would never have ignored Mush if the situation had been reversed.

            He got to the doorway and paused. Kid had lit a candle. His back was to Mush, and he was pumping water—standing up, not strewn on the floor in an anxious state of suicide. Mush leaned against the doorframe, confused. He looked back behind him again, to try and see the blood spot, though the feeble candle's light didn't stretch into the bunkroom. Yes, it had been blood. He was sure of it.

            "Mush!"

            The hiss was angry, accusing. Mush turned back guiltily. "Oh… hiya, Kid," he said easily, just as if he'd run into him selling on the street. In fact, it was the most normal he'd sounded in a good month or two.

            "What are you doing up?" Kid Blink's face was contorted in anger, and he was whispering loudly over his shoulder, his eyes narrowed.

            Mush couldn't help but give a little laugh. "Ya know what, Kid?" he said, feeling his pulse loosen as he realized that Blink was all right. "I think this is the first time in all the years we've known each other that you've been without a shirt. You got a pretty nice back." It was a glorious feeling—for the first time in what felt like ages, he could breathe. The way he'd been so scared of losing Kid Blink… it was almost a wakeup shout from Mr. Kloppman. He felt an immense rush of relief.

            Blink stared at him over his shoulder, then turned his face back around, away from Mush. "Shaddup," he said angrily.

            "Say, what are you doing?" Mush questioned, closing the washroom door quietly and stepping toward Blink, who was cradling his undershirt-ridden wrist. "Your arm…"

            Blink flipped around, spitting fire. "Leave me alone!" he shrilled.

            "Shh!" Mush coaxed. "You'll wake everyone up." He noticed Blink's chest. "Oh… Blink…"

            "I _said_, leave me alone!" Kid Blink turned back around, tears springing into his eyes. He wiped at them furiously with his cradled arm.

            "What happened, though?" Mush asked, stepping even closer.

            "Nothing! Get out, Mush! Please!"

            Maybe the urgency in his voice was what convinced Mush to leave, maybe just the fact that Kid Blink hardly ever wanted to be alone. Mush shrugged and stepped away, back into the dark bunkroom. He pulled off the white shirt he'd been sleeping in, and attacked the blood spot on the floor with ferocity. When he was assured that it was gone, he threw the blood-covered shirt onto his bunk. He walked over to the heavy picture window, dirty with dust and fingerprints, and pulled it open. Thrusting a leg out into the night, he clambered onto the fire escape, and climbed up to the roof.

            "What are _you_ doing up here?"

            Mush jumped, feeling guilty, and peered over to the solitary figure. "Pie?" he asked incredulously. "Why aren't you asleep?"

            "I'd ask you the same thing, but I get the idea that neither of us want to answer it." Pie Eater's lips were pursed around a cigarette, and he held out another for Mush. Mush didn't like to smoke, but took it anyway, lit it off Pie Eater's, and took a long drag. It made him cough, but calmed him down, too.

            "How's Molly?" Mush asked, not really caring about Pie Eater's girl, but feeling like he was invading Pie Eater's privacy and desperately wanting to amend his rudeness.

            "Great," Pie Eater answered, sounding far away.

            The silence stretched between them for a while, the noise of people already awake and yelling through the streets mounting the walls. The poetry of the streets touched Mush's heart, until the fire escape creaked and brought him back to reality. Mush looked sharply over at it, but Pie Eater just laughed. "It does that all the time," he grinned. His voice seemed to open the silence between them to dialogue. "So weren't you wearing a shirt earlier?"

            "Yeah, but I had—say, why would you notice something like that?" Mush demanded.

            Pie Eater shrugged. "I notice a lot of stuff, Mush." He raised his voice a little. "Just about everything that goes on in there."

            Mush shook his head. "Sure ya do, Pie." He breathed through the cigarette again. "Why are some people so stupid?" he asked angrily. "So damn overprotective of themselves…"

            Again, Pie Eater laughed. "I take it you're talking about Blink."

            "What, you noticed it too?"

            "No," Pie Eater said, shaking his head. "It's just that he's been up here every _other night of this week saying the exact same thing—about you."_

            Mush smiled wryly. "Figures, don't it?"

            "He's worried about you, Mush. We all are, but him the most." Pie Eater reached over and took the cigarette from Mush's lips. "You hate these things. And you're not gonna need it anymore."

            "What are you talking about?"

            Pie Eater grinned. "If I'm right, Blink's sitting right over there on the fire escape. And you two are going to learn something really great tonight." He dropped the cigarettes from the roof, and they watched them fall. "I notice everything that goes on in that lodging house," he reminded him. "Blink?"

            A sheepish face poked over the roof edge. Pie Eater walked over, and helped him up on the roof. "See you boys tomorrow," Pie Eater said with a smile. "I'll make sure to come up and get you. You won't be down in the bunkroom."

            "He's like a fortune teller or something," Mush mused as Pie Eater climbed back down to the bunkroom.

            "Yeah," Blink agreed, shifting his weight anxiously. "Look, I'm sorry for yelling at you. And for telling you to leave me alone. Because, really, that's the last thing I wanted you to do…" He sat down awkwardly next to Mush, who looked over sympathetically.

            "You're wearing your shirt again," Mush noted. Blink stayed silent, unsure how to take the comment. Mush shrugged. "You should take it off," he decided.

            "Were you listening to me?" Blink asked him, suddenly doubting that Mush had understood his statement in favor of fashion advice. "I didn't want you to leave the washroom, Mush."

            "Yes, I know." Mush turned and gave him a crooked smile. "You always push me away when you need a friend the most. But you always come back aro—"

            "No! Not a friend," Blink answered forcefully. He squished his face in thought as he searched for words. "Do you know why I cut my wrist?" he finally asked.

            Mush shook his head. "No," he answered. "Not really."

            "It's because… I hate myself. I can't stand the way I think, the way I _am. Sometimes I get so mad, the only thing I want to do is die. But always, right before I just give up, I always see your face, and it's _your_ damn voice in my mind that tells me to wrap up my wrist, to stop the bleeding."_

            "But that's good, right? I don't know what I'd do if you weren—"

            "No! Don't you understand? I _should_ die. For what I am!"

            "What you are? What the hell are you talking about?!" Mush's forehead was crinkled in confusion and sorrow. He didn't like to hear Blink going on and on about having to die.

            Blink's instincts told him not to say the words, especially not while looking in Mush's face, but he squared his shoulders and looked deep into those chocolate eyes, anyhow. "I _like_ you, Mush. The way I'm _supposed_ to like girls." Now, he couldn't tear his eyes away from that forbidden face.

            "You do?" Mush's voice was quiet, almost far away. Blink could imagine Mush, as if on a string, pulling further and further away from him. He wanted to grasp for that string, pull him closer again.

            An escape had been offered. He could laugh and deny what he'd just said, then pretend to laugh and accuse Mush of being gullible. Or he could admit it. It only took a moment to decide. "Yeah," he answered firmly, as if to justify it. Though he really wasn't sure _how_ it could be justified… ever… He turned his face straight forward, the embodiment of indifference. Now it was up to Mush, to banish him, or to maybe help him, help him to be normal…

            "Blink. Look at me." Blink didn't. "Goddammit, look at me!" Mush said angrily, crossing his arms. Blink finally did, cringing a little.

            Mush leaned over and kissed Blink's lips. Sweetly, tenderly, softly.

            And it was right.

**:**

            "Hey, where's Mush?" Cowboy's voice cut across the bunkroom. "And Blink?"

            "Oh, God! I forgot to go wake them up," Pie Eater said, hitting his forehead. "We were all talking up on the roof last night." He practically jumped through the window, racing up the fire escape to the roof.

            The light gray rays of predawn were permeating the air, and a delicate breeze rippled through the shaggy depths of Kid Blink's hair. Pie Eater stood still for a moment, a light smile perched on his lips as he took in the scene. The two boys were clumsily asleep, arms and legs mixing, and one of Blink's hands was playing with a curl of Mush's, even in his sleep.

            It almost seemed a sin to break up such a beautiful scene. But at least there was a scene to break up… Pie Eater had been waiting for this to happen for over a month, when he'd first noticed Blink's behavior. Yes, Pie Eater noticed just about everything that went on in that bunkroom.

**[author's notes:** *Is, for once, at a loss for words.* I love all of you so much. You've been so great to me. The multiple reviews, Skittles STILL advocating my story nonstop… how'd I ever get so lucky as to have all of you girls? I'm not sure still, but I'm so glad. Thanks for everything you've given me.**]**

**[shoutouts!:**

**mary** : … um, well… thanks for the review?

**misprint** : I swear, I've never laughed at a review so hard before. ^^ You're too funny, chica. O_O Nice jigging! And I think you're my official protector. –imagines Mis as Mondie's bodyguard- Hehehehe! What is the gift you and Shadells have for me?? *_* I love presents… really, really I do… ARK! Those pick up lines were SO funny! –blows kisses to Cougar- I've decided to call him John Mellencamp. Even though I do not know him at all whatsoever… -ponders- Ah well. He makes me happy anyway. VITAMIN ME! –dies- I hadn't heard that one before… I think I'm gonna use it. –laughs- When I meet Aaron-Frickin'-Lohr. –nods wisely- AND THE MILK ONE! ^^;; You kill me.

**studentnumber24601** : I love you tooooooo 24! You're so nice to me. ^_^ I have great fun talking to you, too, on AIM! –dances- Here's new stuff! Finally! Thanks for being so wonderful.

**bittersweet** : Thanks for the review hun! I have great talking to YOU on AIM too! And hopefully my FOD will work eventually. Yesterday it let me save a DD, though! O_O Now it just needs to let me save entries… -ponders- LOL! Stupid FOD! I'm realizing why I left last time…

**Aura** : Thanks!!! –grins and runs around crazily- I'm so glad you love it! I love it too! –dances- I love slashy Mush/Blink… they're my favey-daviest couple. –huggles them both- Hey, are you littlewitch1899? Maybe? Or am I trying to remember things that aren't there? ^_^

**Falco Conlon** : Hey! ^_^ THREE reviews from Falco!! –dances hyperactively- Yay, I'm glad you think it's good! I luffle YOU too!!! Hey, did you know that I stole waffles from you a while ago for my story "Your Hazel Eyes"? –sweatdrop- Heh heh… -dies laughing- And you're right about the slash not being wrong, but being hot… ^^;; It's so nice that we all think so. I luffle all of us NJLers. I think we should change our names to "Slash Divas". …Or not. Cuz that's gonna be my new nickname for Davey… Davey the Slash Diva. Haha, it has a nice ring to it, no?

**Sparker** : Yay! Thanks!!! –claps hands excitedly- I love when I reduce people to mindless babbling of names. ^_~ Haha! Thanks for the review hun!

**Shade of Temair** : HEY! Before I forget AGAIN, I never remember to tell you that I LOVE JUSTINCASE TOO! –dies- I'm listening to them right now! I keep trying to write songfics with their songs but I can't write songfics anymore and they all suck. -_-;; No Day shall be updated soon… eh… No, seriously, I read through it a couple nights ago and decided that I really MUST update it like pronto. Thanks for the badgering about it!! It keeps me focused. –nods- So does Misprint yelling over and over that you're turning various shades of colors so I must update. ^^ You are freaking AWESOME, Shadells, and you left me like thirty thousand reviews, and I luffle you dearly! I enjoyed the rhyming, btw.

**Ali** : Wow, a beer song for me! –looks impressed- LOL, I loved how your first review was all about how you couldn't leave a review. And it was like thirty thousand lines long. –laughs- You are SUCH fun, Ali!!!!! I know what you mean about the chapter breaking your heart more each time… when I reread it, it breaks MY heart more, and I FREAKING WROTE IT! Haha! Even though it's really horrible, I think chapter one is one of the best things I've ever written… *Mondie chases away Evil Pigeons Outside Ali's Window* Haha! NEWSIES *ARE* GORGEOUS! I really love how we're all like "NO MARY SUES!" but, in all honesty, aren't the Newsies the biggest Mary Sues of all??? I love your reviews, you're so enthusiastic and insane. ^_^ LOL about the fight scene comments! Knee socks are great funnnnn! Truly truly truly. –laughs at your made-up words- And LOL about your mother telling you to lay off the drugs. –dies laughing- Now clean up your drool, dear. Hahaha!

**rumor** : I'm all about cheeky grins! –dies- Haha! Hey, do you have AIM? I just got it. ^_^ You'd be fun to talk to, I'm sure! I'm MondieGoil, if you do have it. –nods wisely- And look, it's up it's up it's up! –nods assuredly-

Stage : I think it deleted some of your review… :( But thank you!!! And tackle-glomps are fun. So is updatingage. –nods wisely- Speaking of which… WHY IS THERE NO MORE "PAPER ANGELS"?!?!?! –dies- Seriously, that story is the ONLY thing which changed my mind from completely hating Itey to loving him dearly. I seriously want more. It was SO sad… -dies- Please?!?! LOL! Mush's Skittles : -laughs hysterically- You are SO my girl, Itts. You're too funny for words. And thanks for making other people read it! –points at Estee- LOLOL you crack me up. Chapter five! What'd you think?! The Omniscient Bookseller : Sorry to fake you out. But THIS chapter was new! –nods nods nods- But yay for understandingness! I heart you dearly!!!! You're so awesome, Omni! Sparkle Conlon : YAYNESS AND HOORAYNESS! My new strangely-like-me friend! We're both weird, but we're weird in the same ways! O_O Thanks for the reviewage! I'm so glad that you liked the story. And that slashyness is so yummy. –nods emphatically- And that I couldn't get that stupid map thing to work last night for the LIFE of me… -kicks at computer- But thanks for the THREE reviews! –tackle-glomps- My ear itches. –looks confused- And who knows where this story will go… now that it's DEFINITELY rated R –looks angry- I suppose I can write whatever I want now… -ponders- This could be a good thing… LOL Thanks hun!!!!! 

**The last four shoutouts keep running together. They won't separate themselves… -hates computers- So Stage, Itts, Omni, and Estee—sorry 'bout that!**

**…end of shoutouts. please review! PLEASE! –desperately needs feedback-]**


	7. chapter six: love

**[Pretend]**

**[by mondie]**

**[started: Feb. 17, 2003]**

**[disclaimer: I don't own the newsies or Kloppman, yada yada yada. If you don't know which characters are Disney's and which are my own, I'd be happy to enlighten you. But, really, if you don't know which characters are in the movie and which aren't, you have NOT watched the movie enough times. Shame, shame.]**

[chapter 6: love]

[chapter written: March 29, 2003]

**It's hard to find something clear when you're surrounded by clouded minds**

-Justincase, "The Best That I Could Do"

**:**

            It almost seemed too bright to be eight o'clock. Mush squinted up at the sun, which was making its ascent slowly, lazily. Too _hot to be eight o'clock, too. Small beads of sweat had already taken up residency on his forehead, and he wiped at them with his sleeve, knocking his hat askew. He straightened it over his curls, nodding to a woman who was passing. "Buy a pape, ma'am?" he asked sweetly._

            She smiled at him, her eyes clouded with pity. Wordlessly, she traded him a penny for a paper, and then went on her way. Mush's smile dropped as she sashayed off. The pity, the sympathy—these emotions being felt for him was just about the only thing he hated about being a newsie. Scratching at his neck, he stopped a businessman hurrying past. "Penny for a pape, mistah," he offered.

            "Only if your hands haven't smudged it up," the man snapped, grabbing a hold on Mush's scratching hand and pulling it toward his face, examining it. "Fine, fine," he finally said, throwing Mush's hand back to his side as if it were diseased. He rummaged in his pocket and finally drew out a nickel. He thrust it in Mush's hand. Mush immediately scrounged in his own pocket for four pennies. "No, no, keep the change," the man nearly yelled. "I don't know what diseases your money's traipsed through." Mush shrugged and handed him his paper, then pocketed his new nickel.

            "'Ey! 'Ey, Mush!" Kid Blink ran over, his hands empty of papers and a large grin overtaking his face.

            Mush's shock showed in the way his eyes bulged. "You a'ready sold out?" he asked incredulously, staring with jealousy at Kid Blink. He himself still clutched at least thirty-five papers.

            "Huh?" Blink asked, then his eye widened. "Shit… no… huh, wondeh wheah I left those papes… No! It don't mattah! Look at what I got heah, huh!" And with a bright glint in his eye, he put his hand in his pocket and then slowly drew out a glittering gold pocket watch, the face of which was framed with diamonds.

            "Damn!" Mush whistled. "Where'd ya get _that_?"

            "Stole it," Blink answered smugly. "Off some rich guy in da park. Stupid bum didn' even notice." He held the watch by its thick gold chain, and the two watched it swing back and forth. "Heah," Blink said softly, pushing it into Mush's hand. "I want you ta have it."

            Mush gaped at him. "But Blink… dis is prolly worth… more den eiddah a' us's lives!"

            Blink looked around, then, grinning, kissed Mush quickly. "You're worth it."

            "I can't take dis, Kid," Mush said sternly, putting it back in Blink's palm. "You should sell it, den… you'll have money. You'll have enough money ta stop bein' a newsie, even!"

            "You sell it, _you_ get da money," Blink argued, trying to give it back to Mush. When Mush wouldn't take it, he shoved it in Mush's pocket. "It's fer _you_."

            "No, it's _yers_," Mush said, putting his hand in over it and attempting to get it back out of his pocket.

            "There! There 'e is! Get that one-eyed street rat!" Both boys whipped around. A perspiring man in a pinstripe suit, heavyset and balding, was heaving with the effort of running. Two cops were with him, and advanced toward Kid Blink, flashing their nightsticks.

            "SHIT!" Kid Blink shouted in alarm, then started running away, down a back street. Mush panicked, scrambling after him. He wasn't as fast as Kid Blink, and couldn't quite catch up. He could hear the bulls' stomping feet, until they caught up with him. Then they overtook him, put on final bursts of speed, and caught on to Kid Blink's shoulders.

            Mush held back, his eyes wide, the watch heavy in his pocket.

            "Where's the watch?" one of the policemen demanded, holding up his nightstick threateningly over Kid's head.

            "I don't got no watch!" Blink told him frantically. "Check my pockets, I don't got it!" He struggled to be released of the grip. "C'mon, let me _go!" he pleaded._

            "Stop fighting!" the second policeman said. But Kid Blink, anxious and scared, kept wiggling. He looked near tears. The first policeman brought his nightstick down on Kid's head with a sickening smack. Mush gasped as Kid swooned backwards, landing on his back, unconscious.

            The bulls started going through his pockets, and it was all Mush could do not to run over and attack the both of them, for their lack of respect. One took off Blink's shoes and then threw them into the street upon finding the watch wasn't in them. The other looked in his hat, then threw it over his shoulder. They tore his shirt, ripped out his pockets.

            "Well. Whaddya know. The kid _doesn't_ have the watch." The policeman saying this smirked a bit.

            "Ah well, let's take 'im in to Snyder, anyway," the other said.

            "Look at how messed up 'e looks now," the first chuckled. "We can't really take 'im in for stealing… how 'bout we just say 'e was fighting and distoibing the peace."

            "Wait, 'e looks too purty to've been fighting," the second said. He pulled back his fist then punched Kid Blink once, twice, three times. "_There," he said happily._

            "Nothing I like more than sending a street kid to the Refuge," the first smiled. "Gets 'em out of the street, out of my hair. It's like getting a box of fudge on my boithday—always puts me in a good mood." He picked up one of Kid Blink's limp arms and began to drag him in the direction of the Refuge.

            "Kid Blink," Mush whispered anxiously, rooted to his spot. Furious tears burned his eyes, and he hugged himself against the brick building he was standing next to. "Kid…"

**:**

            "'Ey! Mush! I haven' seen you all _day_!" Swifty grinned and clapped Mush on the shoulder. "Wheah ya been? Say, wheah's Blink?"

            "Refuge," Mush answered shortly. His eyes remained trained on the lodging house's lobby door. He played with the watch's chain, still in his pocket.

            "Refuge? How'd 'e get there?" Swifty sat down next to him on the stairs.

            "Stole somethin'."

            "What'd he steal?"

            "Watch."

            Swifty finally seemed to grow tired of Mush's silence game, and stood up. "Well, we've all been dere at some point, eh?" He smiled. "Blink'll be fine. Why don'tcha come up to da bunkroom, eh? Race said 'e'll play poker wit' me."

            "No," Mush said. Swifty shrugged and walked upstairs. Mush's head went into his hands in his lap.

            The sound of the door opening again a few minutes later made his head snap up on his neck. He sighed in relief when he saw who it was. "_Jack!"_

            Cowboy looked surprised at this exuberant greeting. "Evenin', Mush," he said, somewhat stiffly, albeit curiously.

            "I need yer help. You gotta help me go break out Blink. Da bulls t'rew 'im in da Refuge dis moinin'." Mush licked his lips anxiously. "An' yer da one dat knows how ta get people outta dere."

            Cowboy strode to the staircase and started walking up. Mush watched him pass himself, confused. Cowboy paused at the top of the stairs. "Sorry, I can't do that," he said coldly.

            "Why not?" Mush asked, feeling hurt. Cowboy always helped others out of the Refuge when he could.

            "Because." Cowboy looked around himself, then came back down a few steps, as if he were about to tell a grand secret. "I woke up last night, in da middle of the night, a'right?"

            "Yeah? So?" Mush said, though he was fairly certain he knew where this story was going.

            "And … I hoid you an' Blink in his bunk." Cowboy's cheeks flamed. "Yer.. yer… you're fuckin' queer!" He stumbled clumsily over the adjective, as if it pained him personally. "An' I ain't friends with people like dat." He turned on his heel and went up into the bunkroom.

            Mush's face lost all coloring and he couldn't move for a full ten minutes, until Kloppman came into the lobby. "Did I heah someone come in?" the man asked grouchily, his eyebrows lifting.

            "Yeah. Jack," Mush answered dully.

            "Go get 'im and make 'im pay me! 'E hasn't paid fer the last week!" Mr. Kloppman shrilled.

            Mush's head bowed. "You'll hafta go get 'im yerself," he said quietly.

            "What? What'd you say?" the half-deaf man shouted. Mush repeated himself.

            "Yer that lazy?" Kloppman shouted. "You won' even go up da stairs on dose spry legs a' yers? Yer gonna make an old man climb all da way up dere… aye yi yi… what's da woild comin' to…" He continued to mumble to himself as he came around the desk, climbed up the stairs. He made sure to kick Mush on his journey upwards.

            Sighing, Mush pushed himself to his feet. He moved down the remaining stairs to the floor, away from the rocketing laughter and merriment happening up in the bunkroom. He moved out the door, into the streets, where twilight was just melting into night. He hugged his arms to his chest and stopped under a gas lamp. Leaning on the post, he drew the watch out of his pocket and looked at it deeply, thinking about how much Blink had risked just to give him this present. Tears covered his cheeks, pain tore at his heart. He looked up at the lit windows of the bunkroom. He could only see Snoddy and Specs from this angle, but it was obvious someone was doing something quite funny in the middle of the room, because both were looking and laughing in the same direction. Mush watched the windows intently, willing his lips not to tremble as he hugged the watch to his chest, hiding it from prying eyes of street crawlers. A face came to the window. Jack. He caught sight of Mush, and then his face broke into peals of laughter that carried through the night. Suddenly, the windows seemed full of faces, as newsies scrambled to see him. Mush just stared and stared, as all his friends thumbed their noses and shouted curse words at him. The words ran together so he couldn't really understand what they were saying, but a few caught the wind and sang down at him: "Boy-loveh!" yelled Snitch. "Queer!" shouted Racetrack. "Disgustin'!" yelled Skittery. "You sinnah!" Itey screamed. "Yer goin' to hell!" agreed Dutchy.

            The words burned Mush's ears, and he knew they were all right. He shoved the watch back in his pocket and began running, running, as fast as he could go. Moisture hid his eyes, self-hatred gnawed in his stomach. He stumbled and moaned, tripped a bit but kept his balance. He was at the Refuge before he knew he was going there.

            He couldn't get in through the thick gate barring the entrance, and the walls surrounding were too high to climb. He spent the night crying outside, before finally dropping off into an emotionally exhausted sleep early in the morning. He awoke an hour later when the gates slid open, and blinked sleepily toward them. Alerted by the possibility of getting inside, he scrambled in on all fours, past the guard, who was trying to calm the horses of the carriage about to enter. He darted through the courtyard in the pre-dawn gray, coming up to the building's thick wooden double doors announcing the entrance. Easing them open, he slipped inside. He'd only been sent to the Refuge once in his life, and so wandered aimlessly through the large, empty corridors. No one was awake yet, apparently, except one loud prisoner, who was hidden from view by his door but whose angry voice seeped out the corners, yelling for his breakfast. There were a few meandering guards, but they were easy enough to get by. Mush snuck up flights of stairs, searching for the rooms where they kept the worst of the street kids. That's always where they threw newsies.

            He finally came to the room he himself had been in, and slid open the thick bolt on the outside of the door. He walked in. A few awake kids stared at him with wide eyes. "Kid Blink heah?" he asked hoarsely. A couple of these kids he knew, knew well: Bumlets, Pinhead, Snoddy.

            Bumlets walked over quietly, stepping over the sleeping bodies of the boys who didn't fit on the few bunks in the room. "Mush," he said quietly, hugging him. "It's nice ta see an outside face…"

            "Is Kid Blink heah?" Mush answered, after briefly hugging Bumlets back.

            Bumlets shook his head. "No," he answered anxiously. "You heah ta get me out?"

            "An' me," Pinhead said. "We're stahvin', Mush."

            "Snoddy ain't lookin' so good," Bumlets said, looking over his shoulder at the tall boy, who was coughing in a corner, his eyes lidded heavily and substance dripping from his nose.

            Mush felt his heart grow heavy. "I gotta get Kid foist," he said. "Undehstand, Bumlets."

            Bumlets looked as if his last hope had been offered, then snatched away, but nodded anyhow. "Jus'… try ta come back fer us, yeah?"

            "A course," Mush promised. He hugged Bumlets again. "Hang in heah. I'll come back. I sweah."

            He slid back out the door, then bolted it behind him, anxiously watching down the corridors. If he got caught now… He stepped to the next room and unbolted that door. He stuck his head in. "Kid Blink heah?" Smudged, confused faces met his eyes. But not Blink's. Three doors later, Mush finally got the right one.

            "Mush!" Kid Blink's eye was full of tears, and he bounded over. He hadn't even been issued the regulatory cotton gown yet, and was still wearing his torn-up outfit. A large bruise covered his exposed cheek, and another on his chin. Still, Mush was certain beyond doubt that he'd never seen a more beautiful person in all his life.

            "C'mon," Mush said hastily. "We gotta get outta heah." They hurried back into the hallway, Mush bolting the door against the inmates inside. Loud, echoing footsteps sounded from down the hall.

            "Shit," Blink said, looking over. "C'mon, we gotta go. This way."

            "But we gotta break out Bumlets, an' Pin, an' Snodds. Dey're down in dat room, four doors down," Mush argued quietly. "I swore I'd come back fer 'em."

            "We'd neveh be able to get them wit'out gettin' caught ourselves," Blink said. "Hurry, Mush! Gawd, hurry!"

            "But I _swore_!" Mush argued.

            Kid Blink looked at him angrily, then, sighing in exasperation, ran down the hall. He wrenched open the door and sprinted into the room. A moment later, Bumlets appeared, then Pinhead, then Kid Blink hauling Snoddy by the arm. Blink bolted the door and began dragging Snoddy down the hall. They all barely turned the corner before the guard came to give breakfast to the rooms of the hall they'd just been in. The small group dodged guards, who were now more numerous, and offices, and made it to the front door somehow, though Mush later had no recollection of how such a feat could be accomplished. They burst out into the sunshine of mid-morning, running for cover behind one of the small groundskeeping buildings on the property.

            "We made it." Bumlets' voice was croaky with disbelief. "T'ank God almighty, we made it outta dere!" He slapped Snoddy's face. "Ya heah dat, Snodds?"

            Kid Blink looked at Mush and smiled a crooked smile. "T'ank God fer you, Mush."

            Mush couldn't help but grin back. He knew he'd have to tell Blink soon enough about all their friends and what they were now thought of, but figured it could wait.

            As if suddenly unable to control it any longer, Blink pushed Mush against the groundskeeper building and kissed him firmly, nearly suffocating him with his exuberance. Mush kissed him back hungrily, his hands clutching to the muscular back he'd gotten to know so well.

            "Hmm. Well, dis is int'resting," Pinhead said to Bumlets. He tilted his head, his shaggy red hair flipping in the wind. "_How_ long was Blink in da Refuge, again?"

            "Apparen'ly long enough ta go crazy," Bumlets answered, scratching his head in confusion at the two beautiful newsboys, who were all over each other.

            "So wha's Mush's excuse?" Pinhead continued.

            Mush pulled away from Blink long enough to laugh and grin at the recently-loosed escapees. "My excuse?" He turned back to Blink and smiled bashfully. "Love."

            Blink looked over at the gate. "Look! It's our time ta leave!" he shouted, pointing as it lazily opened its bars. Bumlets and Pinhead grabbed Snoddy between them and the group ran for freedom.

            "Almost too easy," Pinhead laughed as they made it safely out.

            As he ran through the gates, Kid Blink noticed something strange. He turned and looked sharply at Mush, then pulled the heavy pocket out of his own pocket. "Mush. Dis is fer _you_," he said, truly exasperated.

            Mush looked over at him and smiled, then kissed his cheek quickly and scampered away. "Gotta catch me first," he sang.

            Kid Blink merely laughed. "Why, you little…"

            Across the street, Cowboy's eyes squinted, though the brim of his black felt cowboy hat was guarding them from the sun. A scowl contorted his face.

**[end notes: -apologizes profusely to any Jack fans- Sorry, it wasn't my fault… the pretendstory!jack in my head was the one directing this chapter… except the sad Mush parts, those were directed by feminine!spot, who, even when he is feminine, insists upon making people miserable.****]**

**[Pinhead is a new creation for this story. -Mondie shoves him in a display case and rotates him with lights shining down on him- Ain't 'e purty? Mis—he's got Chip hair. In case you wondered. ^_^ Did you know that Pinhead is in my comp's dictionary?? Is that NOT the oddest thing you've ever heard?!**]****

**[shoutouts!:**

**the omniscient bookseller: "though I should think he probably doesn't get to sleep much, living with you." –giggles- OMNI!! …-reflects- though you ARE right… I'm glad you adopted omniscient!pie! –dances as if she were puppy!swifty thrown in a vat of boiling Pepto Bismol- He was so worried that he'd be left behind at the InvisiNewsieCharacter orphanage… -giftwraps omni!pie-  Davey: -runs out and yells, "Here's yer Pie!"**

**sugarNspice: Mush/Blink is my favorite pairing, too! ^_^ Though I write about them so often, I'm starting to get my different stories' different versions of them mixed up… like in Growth, they're just friends, but I started to write them slashy… haha had to nix that chapter. ^^ Thanks for the review!!**

**keza: queen of procrastination: -sends 150 codfish to a tree- And that, m'dear, is all I have to say to you. ^_^ I luffle you SO MUCH, Kez. Oh yes, and I'm glad I'm now up on what "cha" means. ^_^**

**angel of harmony: -is flattered- Wow! So sorry about the story getting taken down while you were reading it –glares at ff.net- But I'm so glad you came back to continue reading!!! And I'm really SO glad it seems realistic… especially since the closest I've come to witnessing actual abuse is in movies and reading in books. –sweatdrop- I tend to just make a LOT of stuff up… I'm always glad when it comes out though. ^_^ NOT A PIE EATER FAN? –jaw drops to ground- Don't tell Keza that… she might eat your cat… Hell, I –love- Pie, and she tries to eat MY cat over the Internet… I can't IMAGINE what she'd do to someone who hates Pie…**

**dragonflycollins: Thank you muchly-mushly! –bows- But it's not the end yet… oooh no…**

**glitterpunk: Shadells! –dances- Good, I'm glad you're my badger-er. Mush: Shade is your badger? Mondie: Shaddup. –snogs Mush for three hours- BTW, I snog straight!mush. slash!mush doesn't like snogging me except on national holidays.**

**mush's skittles: -hugs itts forever- You printed out my story to read in school… -is so flattered that she can't stand up anymore- And **you are nice. unlike Shortie.** –hopes to high heaven that Shortie read that- LOL –cracks up- oooh, and thanks for making Estee read it… she's great fun! –giggles- She has a drunk sister. –nods wisely- I luffle you SO MUCH, Itts!!! Seriously, you're one of my favey-daviest people EVER!**

**glimmer conlon o'leary: heh heh. Sorry I played with your mind… -isn't really sorry- Hot gay men make me hot, too… -sighs- Like I absolutely HAVE to marry Aaron Lohr, so he HAS to be straight, but the thought of him being gay is SO HOTT that I can hardly stand it. –ponders- Well, I guess he could be bi… -giggles- LOL thanks for the reviews!!! :D**

**sparkle conlon: I thought of a weird word yesterday! Oh yeah, PUMPKIN! Isn't that a weird word?!?! So's reindeer… -imagines last chappy's sexy ending pose for blink/mush- Yeah, I want a picture of that too… where's annoying!picta-takin!Denton when you need him?! –pulls crayons out of mush's nose- Honestly, you'd think he'd have learned by now… -mush eats a crayon and shakes his head solemnly-**

**shortie: Finally to your shoutout! ^_^ But now you've left me to watch a movie! –giggle!snorts- -send mucho love to Spidey- I love the long review (that WAS in 3 parts) from the NJL! –dies- Aww… that was such fun… having to get reviews a la email… because ff.net is retarded… Thanks for the SIX reviews, Shorts, I heart you dearly, even if you ARE mean. (did you catch my reference to you in Itts' shoutout? –dances- LOL I knew that would get you hopping mad as if you were Pulitzer stuck in a rat cage.)**

**misprint: wOOt I'm marrying Connor! And Chip has cool hair! And so does Connor! –dies- I don't know what I'm gonna do when I can't stay online for all hours of the night since I'll have school again! I'm gonna miss you SO MUCH Misers!!! And then craziness ensues when you and shade are on your end of the comp and I'm all alone on my end! –thinks back and laughs- I LUUUURVE your review. "This can only mean one thing. HOT MAN SEX!" Hahaha! Well… I'm doing a lot of implying as of late… the reader gets to decide if they're into just heavy snoggage! or hot!man!sex. –knows what Mis has decided- -luuuurves the pickup lines- OMA, if I ever meet Aaron, I'm gonna have to use some of those lines on him. –nods emphatically-**

**hilaryb: -loves gorgeous!mush too- I'm so glad you're back, Hil! I thought maybe you were gone forever. –nods sadly- BUT YOU'RE NOT! –dances- And it's okay to let the fangirl out every now and then… hell, my fangirl is a constant companion of mine… -pats fangirl on the head- She's very nice, once you get past the obsessive part… -joins the kicking in the metaphorical face of ff.net-**

**falco conlon: -is insane- LOL for your reviews where you don't say anything but your signature! –is a bit confused though- Ah well! –thinks back on close-minded people- Could you tell that that thing you made me read made its way into this chapter in the form of closeminded!jack? –kicks close-minded people in the groin- -steals MORE waffles drowning in LOVE-**

**ali:** -mondie luuuuuuuurves you- You are so funny and cute! –dies- Yay for the museum! We have a museum in town… it's open I think from 8-noon on Saturdays… I've been there once… when I was like 6… hmm. LOL!


	8. chapter seven: need

**[Pretend]**

**[by mondie]**

**[started: Feb. 17, 2003]**

**[disclaimer: I don't own the newsies or Kloppman, yada yada yada. If you don't know which characters are Disney's and which are my own, I'd be happy to enlighten you. But, really, if you don't know which characters are in the movie and which aren't, you have NOT watched the movie enough times. Shame, shame.]**

[chapter 7: Need]

[chapter written: April 18, 2003]

**Bridges will fall from under us, but we are strong, we'll get through this**

-New Found Glory, "Belated"

**:**

            Mush darted out of Kid Blink's grip many times, his beautiful face alight with happiness. Kid Blink finally lost sight of his friend and fell back into step with Bumlets, Pinhead and Snoddy, who were walking quite slow to account for Snoddy's malady. Blink tried to walk with their lethargic pace, but found himself getting restless, wondering where Mush was. Pinhead seemed to sense this.

            "'Ey, Blink, we's gonna leave ya heah," Pinhead said, his bright smile nonjudgmental and large. "Snodds needs ta rest. An' you…" His smile seemed to somehow grow larger. "You's gotta go catch Mush."

            The other three sat down, Snoddy's head lolling about as though his neck was a piece of limp spaghetti. Blink continued walking, shoving his hands in his torn-out pockets, fingering the heavy, jeweled watch. He decided to go back to the lodging house, to change into an outfit not so scruffed up. He'd keep this one, because it might come in handy tomorrow when he was selling. Some lady would probably take pity on a boy dressed as he was. But since he wasn't selling this moment, he figured he'd rather change.

            And wouldn't it be just like Mush to hide in the lodging house?

            Mush had never been very good at hide and seek.

            Kid Blink walked in, sneaking past Kloppman, who was snoring loudly with his head on the desk in the lobby. Blink crept up the stairs, not wanting to wake the senile man with the creaking stairs, and made it to the bunkroom. He stripped quickly down to his underclothes, noticing as he did so that even his undershirt had been torn. Sighing angrily, he pulled it over his head, too, and headed to the washroom to wipe off the sweat and filth from the Refuge.

            The water was pure and clean, and refreshing as it rained on his dirt-stained skin. He smiled in relaxation as he watched the water droplets dance across his arms. It was so serene and chaste here, now. Everything in the world was right, for once. He loved Mush, Mush loved him,—even if he wouldn't keep the damn pocketwatch—he was out of the Refuge, and life was all good.

            For once.

**:**

            Mush giggled to himself as he crouched behind a trash can. He was giddy with excitement, waiting for Blink to find him in this remote alley, far removed from the street and the prying eyes of self-righteous newsies. For a moment, Mush thought on the fact that Kid Blink hadn't learned yet that their friends now hated them. Then he shrugged it off. It would be fine, he reminded himself. Blink wasn't stupid enough to admit right out that he was the same, and so he could buy himself time to get away.

            Blink wasn't as naïve as Mush was.

            Mush's arms wrapped around himself, and he bit his lower lip as he imagined Blink's face again, when they'd gotten out of the Refuge—the smile, the hug, the _kiss. Beautiful. Bruised, bloody, scared, and beautiful._

            They almost got to him without his noticing. At the last moment, someone nudged another trash can, which scraped against the brick wall. Mush flipped around, his eyes wide.

            The fist met with his face before he could even see who the attackers were.

**:**

            Voices from the bunkroom alerted Kid Blink. He looked sharply toward the door, and cursed himself for not bringing a shirt into the washroom. He hurried over and shut the washroom doors, praying no one would come in. The fact that Mush didn't seem to think the hole in his chest was a big deal didn't mean that everyone else would feel the same. Kid Blink hated feeling exposed like this. He lay down on the ground and peeked out through the crack between the door and the floor, watching shoes walking back and forth on the ground, praying for them to leave.

            "I know 'e came in heah," a voice said, so filled with anger that Kid Blink couldn't even decide who it was. "I watched 'im, Jack."

            Jack agreed, and Kid Blink discerned which boots belonged to the cowboy. That pair began to pace, then halted, their tips pointed to the washroom. "'A course, fellas," he called. "Wheah else would 'e be but tryin' ta wash da sin off 'is body?"

            Kid Blink paused in confusion and fear, and his brain didn't seem able to function. _Sin? But how…_ His thoughts halted, and he tried to stop them. They pushed through anyway. _Mush told them. Mush ain't really in love, not really… dis is all a trap… Mush doesn't really love me. He set me up._

            Jack opened the washroom door, pushing it into the room. It slammed straight into the face of a very upset, bewildered boy, who lay motionless on the ground.

            Kid Blink could barely feel the pain of the wood entering his bruised eye.

**:**

            Racetrack's fist, hardened with calluses, seemed intent upon messing up Mush's face. Mush groaned in pain as he balled up on the ground, in the fetal position. Racetrack kneeled over him, kept raining punches on him. Fury contorted his face. "Why'dja hafta be like dis, huh?" he asked.

            Skittery and Specs were standing near by, also looking upset, but not nearly as much as Race was. Skittery took a tentative step forward, and looked down at the face of the pure newsie, whose face had an angry welt from Race's hand. Anger suddenly filled Skitts. "Didja eveh t'ink a' me like dat, huh?" he asked, his shoulders swelling. "You eveh look oveh and just want to _share a bed wit' me, huh?"_

            "No," Mush said, and it came out a wail, a thirty-syllabled word. "No."

            Skittery lifted a booted foot and kicked Mush onto his back. Mush groaned, closing his eyes and grimacing. Race began pummeling Mush's stomach, causing Mush to dry heave. Skittery placed one of his feet on Mush's chest and began putting more and more pressure on his lungs. Mush's eyes began to bulge, as he gasped for breath and tried to get Racetrack's furious fists to stop hitting at the same time.

            Specs stepped over, his eyes cloudy and vague behind his glasses. He looked down on Mush, as the others had done, and deliberately spit upon his once-friend's face. Mush gagged. Specs reared back and kicked into Mush's head as hard as he could. The skin burst open where the tip of his boot pierced it, and dark blood began spilling out. Mush fell unconscious.

            Racetrack pulled out a switchblade and the sight of the flashing silver made the three angry boys fall into a sort of awed reverie. Race wrenched up Mush's shirt and, on the chiseled chest, scraped out the word "Sinner". Crimson ran angrily out, mixed with bits of skin and muscle. It took a while for the word to be finished, and by that time, both Mush and Race were bloody messes.

            "Let's go," Specs said, suddenly afraid. He could hear people hurrying by on other streets, and didn't want to be caught.

            "Hold up!" Race nearly shouted. "I ain' goin' nowheah wit' 'is blood all oveh me." He pulled Mush's shirt clear off his head and began scrubbing anxiously at his own bloody hands and arms. Finally satisfied he looked clean, he threw the shirt over his shoulder and followed his fellow two newsies out of the alley.

**:**

            "Well, well. Whadda we got heah?" Snitch's voice carried into the washroom, and now Kid Blink realized that it had been him talking earlier. He hadn't been able to place the voice because he'd never before heard Snitch angry.

            "I think we got us a sick poisen, boys," Jack answered, and Snitch and Dutchy stepped into the washroom as well. Kid Blink could barely make the three of them out, and it hurt too much to try. He lay his head back down on his arm, using his other arm to cover his chest.

            "Well? Whatcha doin' on the floor? Get up an' fight like a man," Dutchy said, and the quiet, calm newsie was transformed into a very uncharacterized caricature of himself.

            Tears began to seep out of Blink's eye, and his chin wavered. "I desoive it," he wailed. "I do! I t'ought… I really t'ought… dat 'e loved me."

            "What in da _hell_… you sick bastahd!" Jack's eyes flashed as he pulled Blink to his feet. Blink forced his eye open, to look back, to stare into those hate-filled eyes. A chill crept up his arms.

            "You two," Jack said, not breaking his gaze with Blink. "You two, go down an' distract Kloppman. Take 'im outside. I'm gonna… play… a little wit' our friend heah."

            Snitch and Dutchy chortled appropriately, and set purposefully down the stairs.

            "Don' come back fer at least toity minutes," Jack shouted after them. "I'll need time ta clean up da blood."

            Blink stared at the eyes of Jack, feeling all his hope slip away. He was an empty shell. He didn't really care now, what Jack did to him. Nothing mattered anymore.

**:**

            Mush constricted on the ground, feverish dreams torturing his delirious mind. A clear image of Racetrack, shouting, punching. His crazed eyes, the flesh around his eyelashes contracting with the grimace pulling his dimples taut. Furious, insane eyes. The eyes shifted, changed, to other eyes that frightened Mush equally. Those of his father.

            In his hopelessness, Mush cried out, thrashing his dream arms, attempting to harm anyone he could. Racetrack and his father were too strong, though. They were both here now, both shouting and punching and harming him.

            Mush yelled out for Kid Blink.

            Kid Blink wasn't coming.

**:**

            Two minutes passed, silence between the two. Jack stared at Kid Blink, who stared at the ground. Jack finally thrust out a hand, and Kid Blink braced himself from the blow to follow. But, instead, Jack's fingers traced the hole, the indention on Blink's chest. Blink now looked at the fingers, tanned fingers. He was confused. Then he looked up at Jack, whose face was contorted in fury.

            _No. Not fury, Kid Blink realized to himself. _Lust_._

            Blink's shoulders were still raw from the assault he'd been given by the bulls, but somehow they felt soothed when Jack's other hand tentatively touched them, then started rubbing circles. And Blink knew, knew that this wasn't going to be a beating. Jack touched Blink's neck, found his pulse, and closed his eyes sweetly, as though savoring the beat.

            Blink was a bit baffled. He hadn't known that Jack was the same way that himself and Mush were. He'd thought they were the only ones in practically the whole world.

            And he was even more confused thinking back in retrospect, because hadn't Jack told Snitch and Dutchy that he was going to soak him?

            Something was going on.

            Blink was about to break away from the massaging hand of Jack Kelly before he could get caught in another trap, like the one Mush had pulled on him, when Jack suddenly pressed his mouth to Kid's.

            At first too anxious, too confused to respond, Jack's deep breathing and the way he held Blink's body to his finally swayed Blink. He began kissing back, and as Jack took steps backward, out of the washroom and into the bunkroom, Blink followed his lead. Cowboy stopped kissing him for only a moment, looking deep into his eyes, before pushing him down onto a bed and climbing on top of him.

**:**

            _Kid… wheah are you?_

_            I'm dyin', Kid. I'm dyin'._

_            Please… make them stop yellin'…_

_            I need you._

_            Kid, wheah are you?_

_            I don't want to be alone anymore._

_            I need you…_

**:**

            Passionate kisses. Passionate, passionate hands against the bare, raw skin of Kid Blink's back. Passionate lust, passionate love, passionate love-making.

            _It don't matteh, Kid tried to convince himself. Kiss the sweat-soaked forehead of Cowboy. __Mush don' love you. Run your fingers through Cowboy's hair… such pretty hair. _Yer jus' lucky dat Mush's lie led Cowboy to you_. Look in Cowboy's eyes. Mush doesn't have eyes as pretty as those._

            _Cowboy needs you._

_            Mush doesn't._

**[shoutouts!**

**studentnumber24601 ][ Yes, I seem to have complex where I cannot allow my characters to be happy. Ever. It's getting to the point where people leave me reviews saying "Yay! Everything's going well! …So when are you gonna kill off more people?" Cuz that's all I seem to do, is kill someone off when it's going great. Uh… well… that doesn't mean anyone's DYING in this story… eh… heh heh. Yay for R-rated reviews! Thanks for the review, 24! Luffles to you!**

**Keza: Queen of Procrastination ][ That ransom note was SO funny! ^_^ It made me dance with uberhappiness. It's upstairs, sitting next to framed picture from Aaron Lohr. Ah, yes… I've still forgotten to send out copies. *looks sheepish* Sorry 'bout that… I was gonna do that today, but the pics are sitting right next to my upstairs comp, and I looked at my comp instead, and I was just, "I NEED TO WRITE PRETEND." I had no idea where I was going with this chapter or anything. It just flowed. *Mondie suddenly appears wearing all black and sunglasses, sitting in an ubercool stage on a stool with three spotlights illuminating her face* Yes, closeminded!jack turned to homophobic-because-he's-a-homo!jack. I didn't even know that was gonna happen. Well, I had the idea it might about halfway through, but I wasn't CERTAIN it would until I realized I'd written it. ^_^ LOL! Thanks Keeeeeeeeeeezah, for the reviewage! And for dragging along Falco. Mucho luffles to you!**

**Shortie ][ Man, Jack is not getting the love from ANYONE in these reviews. _Mush: That's because you made him evil and grrr-kill-worthy in the last chapter._ Ah, yes. I nearly forgot. _Mush: No, you didn't._ Ah, yes. You're right, Mush, as always. ::ahem:: Okay, I'll now stop talking with my inner-Mush. That Snoddy, he's super fast… he's in the lodging house one scene, the next, nearly dying in the Refuge. I was just testing your reading skills. Really. Uh-huh. *tries to look wise and fails* Thanks for the reviewage, Shortie dear! Mucho luffles.**

**Mush's Skittles ][ Yus, now you must go buy more green paper! *cheers and throws an Aaron party* Yes, there WAS a purpose in Mush standing there when Blink got hit by the bulls… Mush is a lover, not a fighter. He cares about his friends to death, but he knows he can't fight worth crap. Plus, how else were we gonna learn about crooked cops if Mush didn't just stand by? Sometimes, just sometimes, I have a purpose. *nods* Pie's not in the windows for a reason… we'll see more Pie shortly. Yus. And more Pinhead. *huggles Pinhead* SO I must know what you thought of this chappy!!! Tell me. Tell me now.**

**Sparker ][ Wow, thanks! :D I'm glad you liked. Sorry for the tears, though. *sheepish smile* But … yay! LOL.**

**Glimmer Conlon O'Leary ][ Yeah, let's all hunt down Jack and smoke him like the scabber he is! Uh… except his homophobia was really a cover up… yea… uh… hmmm. Anyhow. Thanks for the review Chelci! Hope we talk online again soon.**

**Omni ][ Oooh, so do you read shoutouts before chappies? If so, I shouldn't say anything about how this chappy turns out… Yeah, hush up about the "pocket in his pocket". ^_^ My brain thinks too fast for my fingers to type. It's not MY fault. *nods and hopes no one notices the crimson blush creeping up her cheeks* crimson creeping. GO GO ALLITERATION! ^_^ Thanks for the review, Omnis! I heart you muchly-mushly.**

**GlitterPunk ][ ^_^ I heart you Shaders.**

**rumor ][ Yeah, you missed three chappies! *laughs* I think that's what happens when I'm not on the FRONT PAGE because it's rated R *throws a hissy fit* Anyhow. Of course Snipes was annoying, I hate the kid. I hate Jake too. *glares and throws things at gross!newsies* I LURVE DMB. Very relaxing. Not so great to drive to, but still. "Grey Street" is one of my all-time favorite songs. It's so BEAUTIFUL. Oh, the "I've lost my phone number, can I have yours?" thing… *dies of embarrassment* At the movies earlier this year, one of my friends bet me I wouldn't say it to this REALLY HOTT clerk selling the candy. And I did it! ^_^ But now I can't go back to that movie theatre, because I'm too embarrassed. Haha! Thanks for the long review hun! I'd comment on all your comments, but I gotta post this sucker, and now, cuz I'm going to Kimi's soon.**

**geometrygal ][ Thank you so much! *dies* You're very nice!!!! *grins* I'm glad you like it. More chapters for more reviews… *pleads* haha! Thanks hun!**

**Stage ][ I WANT MORE PAPER ANGELS. And that's all the shoutout you get. *nods***

**Sparkle Kelly Conlon ][ You were RIGHT! –dances- Jack was in denial. Yus. I think you guys are actually what planted that in my mind… I wasn't even sure if that's how it was gonna go, though, until I'd written it. It was kinda in the back of my mind, but I was fully planning on having Jack whup on Blink and leave him for dead in a kinda two-shot Mush-is-bleeding Kid-is-bleeding scene… then Jack went and kissed him. I was like, WHAT THE HECK ARE THE CHARS IN MY HEAD DOING?! ^_^ Sometimes it's so HARD having a Strange!Jack running through your mind… Thanks for the review hun, I luffle you!**

**hilaRyB ][ Yay for blingbling!mush! *dies* I think Misprint and I made a ghetto!Mush… he was styling. Anyhow. Yayness! I'm so glad for your reviews. They make me ecstatically happy. Sorry I can't really elaborate or tell you JUST how much I luffle you (oodles, in case you really wondered), but I've gotta upload this or I'm gonna explode! Plus I don't know how much time I've got until Kimi comes to pick me up… so I'm gonna leave now. But yeah, email me or something! Or if you have AIM, IM me sometime… or ICQ… or yeah. I think you're grand fun. ^_^**

**misprint ][ I LUFFLE YOU! You know if mucholy, but remind me later to tell you again. You are the sweetest, most rock-my-socks person in the world. Well, besides Aaron. But, really, he doesn't count in any contests, because he is perfect. *nods* MUCHOLY MUSHOLY LOVE TO MY MISI!**

**end shoutouts]**


	9. chapter eight: saving grace

**[Pretend]**

**[by mondie]**

**[started: Feb. 17, 2003]**

**[disclaimer: I don't own the newsies or Kloppman, yada yada yada. If you don't know which characters are Disney's and which are my own, I'd be happy to enlighten you. But, really, if you don't know which characters are in the movie and which aren't, you have NOT watched the movie enough times. Shame, shame.]**

[chapter 8: saving grace]

[chapter written: April 20, 2003]

**Some say that time changes, best friends can become strangers**

-Good Charlotte, "Say Anything"

**:**

            "You got purty eyes, Cowboy." Kid Blink immediately grimaced, because his voice was so clumsy.

            Cowboy didn't seem to notice. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to Kid Blink, his head cradled in his hands. Kid Blink scooted over, sat next to him. A long, awkward pause filled the air. Blink looked over at Cowboy, then to his own fingernails, cracked and jagged at the edges, dirt smudged in the cuticles. Back to Cowboy, back to nails. Back to Cowboy. He bit the nails now, sighing and looking over Cowboy's head. Was he supposed to keep talking? Or did Cowboy want silence?

            "I ain't never done that before," Cowboy finally said, and Kid Blink nearly sighed in relief, that the silence was over.

            "I figured ya hadn't." Cowboy looked over sharply, and Kid Blink smiled ruefully and realized this had seemed an insult. "I mean, it's okay and all. I hadn't gone that far, neither."

            "Not even with Mush?"

            A loud, harsh laugh came from Kid Blink's throat. "Mush?" Incredulous thought! "Mush won't even kiss me first. He's real innocent, real pure. Sometimes it seemed I was the only one kissing." He scratched at his head absentmindedly, thinking over what he'd said. Sighing, he added, "Guess now I know why, huh?"

            "Whaddya mean?" Jack's head was back in his hand, but at least he was still talking.

            "Well, he ratted me out. He neveh really loved me, I get that now. Bastahd… but at least I… well, at least I get you in the bargain," Kid Blink said, looking hopefully at the honey-haired boy beside him.

            Jack stayed in the same position, head in hands, for a few minute, then lifted his head. Blink was relieved to see Cowboy's usual smirk plastered on his lips. "…Yeah, Blink. Yeah. At least ya got me when Mush played ya like 'e was Racetrack wit' a trick deck 'a cards."

            Kid Blink laughed at the analogy, but quietly. He still felt a little shy around this side of Cowboy. Silence fell again, and Kid Blink looked wistfully at the profile of Jack Kelly… his new love. "Cowboy?" he asked softly.

            "Yeah?" Cowboy was looking forward, staring at nothing.

            "You… You wanna keep this a secret from da uddah boys, right?"

            A relieved smile passed briefly on Jack's face. "Yeah."

            "But… since no one else is up heah yet…" Blink fell quiet, thinking that if it was Mush, it wouldn't be nearly this awkward.

            "Yeah?"

            "Well… we can kiss some moah, right?"

            Cowboy turned and looked at Blink, a half-smile pulling up one of the corners of his mouth. He leaned forward and plastered his salty lips to Blink's. Blink grinned in pleasure, his own chapped lips burning with the salt of Jack's. His rough hands danced up Cowboy's spine, and Cowboy moaned as Blink pulled away and instead kissed up his throat.

            Loud feet stomped up the stairs suddenly, and Cowboy leapt away from Blink. He looked wildly about, righting his shirt, then quickly pulled back his arm and punched Blink straight in the jaw.

            Kid Blink could only gape in amazement.

            "I'm sorry," Jack said, his voice filled with sorrow and compassion. "I told 'em I would soak ya."

            Blink nodded, but still felt betrayed.

            "I'm sorry," Jack said again, and Blink was astounded to see a thin layer of sparkle in his eyes, a veil of tears. "I… I…" He punched Blink's nose, and it began gushing blood. "I… oh, God, what the hell… I love you."

            The bunkroom door burst open, and Bumlets ran in. "Stop it, Jack!" he yelled. "Leave Blink alone!" Snitch came running in after him, and stopped short. He cackled, seeing the blood gushing out of Blink and the hurt in Blink's eyes.

            "Good job, Jackie-boy."

            "Yeah," Jack said, looking back down at Blink. Blink fought tears, and was only slightly comforted that Jack was doing the same. Jack turned away, and Blink closed his eye and struggled to control his breathing. "Yeah," Jack repeated, trying to sound upbeat. "C'mon, Snitch." He strode over, and grabbed Snitch by the arm, avoiding Bumlets' eyes. "I need a drink."

**:**

            "Mush?" The whisper was soft, but frenzied. "Oh, God… Mush?"

            Mush kept his eyes clamped shut. He hurt. He hurt all over. Maybe, maybe if he didn't open his eyes, the pain would go away. Or he'd die… and that wouldn't be so bad, either. Heat, boiling, bubbling pain all over his skin, covering every inch of his body. He ached, he burned. He couldn't move.

            He could feel a hand on his wrist, and it was cold, but it still hurt him. Pressure as the hand clamped his wrist harmed him more, and he whimpered.

            "Oh, good… you're alive."

            _Jesus Christ, please kill me._

            "C'mon, Mush, wake up."

            _Please… just let me die._

            "Good God, you're more stubborn than Racetrack."

            _Racetrack. The name exploded in his brain, and anger swelled up in Mush. His face worked to stop the tears from forming again, and even that slight action caused a series of minor explosions in his brain. He groaned again._

            "C'mon, I know you're awake. Mush, we gotta get you help."

            The voice suddenly sounded familiar, and Mush felt a flutter of hope in his chest. "You came for me," he said softly, slowly, because it hurt to move his lips.

            "Well, yeah. 'Course I did. We're friends, right?"

            "I love you, Blink," Mush murmured. He forced his eyes open. Even though the alley was in darkness, the dull gray light hurt his eyes. He forced them to focus on the face above him, needing the comfort of Blink's face, his hair, his eyepatch… all the familiar things Mush had learned to love.

            "I ain't Blink, Mush."

            It was Pinhead. Mush could only stare in disappointment, then closed his eyes. "Jus' fucking kill me, huh?"

            Pinhead rolled his eyes, shaking his hair out of his eyes. "C'mon. I'm gonna take ya to wheah I'se stayin'. It seems that the other newsies may not be wantin' yer presence in their lodgin' house."

            Mush shook his head, brilliant stars ricocheting through his mind with every action. "I ain't goin' nowheah," he answered stubbornly, wishing he could just fall asleep and never wake up. "Not wit'out Blink."

            "C'mon," Pinhead answered, just as stubbornly, his eyes flashing. He leaned down and carefully ran his arm under Mush's shoulders, pulling him into a sitting position. Mush yelled out in pain, then blacked out again.

            Pinhead sighed to himself, then squared his shoulders and, using all the strength he possessed, pulled himself upwards, hauling Mush along with him. He only walked a few steps before realizing it wouldn't work, and laid Mush back down on the ground. He rested his arms a few moments, then gathered Mush into his arms, one arm supporting Mush's back, the other under Mush's knees. The limp boy was sticky with blood, blue with bruises. Repulsed with anger, Pinhead's fury fueled him into strength he didn't know he had.

            He made it to his home in less time than ever before.

**:**

            "You all right, Blink?" Bumlets was the possessor of a voice so soothing that it could calm anyone into submission. Kid Blink smiled at this thought, feeling lucky that Bumlets was the one who was here, because his voice was better than any vile medicine Kloppman would undoubtedly force down his throat and then charge him twice any realistic price for.

            "I ain't really sure, Bums," Blink answered, and indeed, he wasn't. "I think I'm good, but… I'm bleedin'."

            Bumlets laughed. "Yer funny, Blink."

            Blink smiled wryly. "Yeah, I know." He chewed on his lip a moment. The blood had nearly stopped dripping from his nose now. "You know where Mush is, Bumlets?"

            "No," Bumlets said, shaking his head. "I ain't seen 'im since last night."

            "Oh." Blink fell silent. "I was thinkin' that 'e'd be out there, gloating about his victory."

            Bumlets seemed confused. "Gloating? About what? And, really, Blink, can you see Mush gloating? Mush ain't that sort of person." He fell quiet, but Blink could tell he wasn't done talking, and waited. "I don't think Mush's ever gloated, that I've seen. That's why I like 'im so much. He's real honest, real nice, and real humble. He's gonna be a great man someday."

            Blink laughed, harshly. "I _used_ to think I knew him."

            Bumlets looked at him sharply. "Whaddya mean? Whatcha talkin' bout, huh?"

            Kid Blink shook his head angrily. "I don' wanna talk about it. Let's just say that Mush ain't as nice as we all thought. And that I ain't neveh gonna talk to him again, and you'd be wise ta do the same."

            "Why don' we talk about somethin' else?" Bumlets suggested, after a moment of confused silence. "So tell me about the Refuge. Snydeh still insane?"

            Blink grinned. "Insane? That don't even start to describe 'im. 'E makes Kloppman look like a nice old grandpa who gives out penny candy on usual occasions…"

**:**

            "You okay, honey?"

            Mush forced his eyes open, and this time, found himself in bright sunshine. He groaned and tried to turn from the rays, but it hurt too much. He felt tears spring to his eyes. He felt so hopeless…

            "I'm Mrs. Djilian. I own this house." He tried to focus on the genial woman, but all he could make out was that she was large and had fuzzy gray hair that was sticking out in all directions. "Your friend Charles brought you here. Oh, but you probably know him as Pinhead. I refuse to call you boys by your ridiculous nicknames, so I will always refer to him as Charles… but you are more than welcome to call him whatever degrading name he thinks up for himself next." She let out a jolly chuckle, then pressed a cloth saturated in a stinging cloth onto his chest. Mush yelled out in pain. She pretended not to notice. "So what's your name?"

            "Mush," he answered, with gritted teeth, angry at the tears spilling down his cheeks. It hurt so _damn_ much…

            "No, no, honey. Your _real_ name."

            He had to think for a moment. "Jonathan," he finally remembered.

            "What a beautiful name," she said nicely, still sponging at the wound on his chest. He wished he could bat away her hand.

            "Yeah. My fadduh liked it," he groaned. "Bastahd." He suddenly opened his eyes, looking alarmed. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Djilian. I didn' mean ta curse in front a' you."

            She looked sad, then leaned down and kissed his forehead. "It's all right, Jonathan. I know you boys have had horrible, horrible childhoods." She leaned up from the bed, and started to leave the room. "But no more, you hear me?" Her voice returned to its usual jovial sound. "Thaddeus will be in to see you in a moment, I think. He mentioned wanting to see you."

            "Thaddeus?" Mush questioned, but she had already left the room.

            A moment later, a dark-haired boy peeked into the doorframe. "Mush!" he said happily.

            "Pie? That you?" Mush called, not wanting to move his head to see if he was right.

            "Yeah. Man, looks like someone did a pretty numbeh on you," Pie Eater said, crossing the room to the bed.

            "Hey, do me a favor, huh?" Mush said, squinting his eyes up into the other boy's face.

            "What?"

            "Take da cloth off my chest. Jesus, it hoits!"

            Pie Eater laughed, and took the stinging cloth away from the wound. He stared for a moment at it, then looked up at Mush. "Sinner?"

            "What?" Mush asked, confused. "What da hell is ya talkin' about, huh?"

            "Yer chest. It says 'Sinner'. Who did it?"

            "My chest says _what_?"

            "Carved wit' a knife. Right here. In big letters."

            Mush felt his eyes tear up again. And, for the first time, he made himself lift his arms, and hugged them across his chest, to hide the word from Pie Eater's eyes. "Leave me alone," he cried.

            "But, Mush…"

            "Go away, Pie!"

            Pie Eater nodded, and swiftly left the room. Mush kept his arms plastered against the wound, the raw skin, the angry word. He'd never felt so humiliated, so hurt in his life. His chin wavered, and he cried bitterly. He cried for Racetrack's ignorance, for the fact that Kid Blink was still out there, and didn't know what was awaiting him. He cried that he hadn't warned Kid Blink about them, about how their friends now acted. He cried that he wasn't normal, that he wasn't the same as everyone else, he cried for his current loneliness and the betrayal of Race. He cried because he would now have a lifelong reminder that he was different, would have scars to show just what was wrong he acted, just how wrong he was.

            The tears ran down his cheeks, and though he knew he wasn't fit to pray to God, he couldn't help but give a brief prayer in his mind. _God, please, please jus' protect Blink. Let 'im be strong, and don' let 'im get hurt like me._

**:**

            The night was dark, and silence fell upon the bunkroom. Except one bunk, where hungry kisses placed two boys in each others' arms. Jack ran his hands up and down Blink's arms, laughing a little when goosebumps appeared.

            "I didn't get to tell you earlier, Cowboy," Blink whispered.

            "Yeah?" Jack said back, his breathing heavy as musk as he exhaled the word into Blink's ear.

            "I love you, too."

            Cowboy smiled, kissing Blink softly. "Good." He kissed Blink's eyelashes. "I'm gonna go to bed now. Don't want anyone getting suspicious, huh?"

            "Yeah." Blink kissed Jack one last time for the night. He tasted the words again. "I love you."

            "I love you, too."

            And the words were deliciously tart.

**[shoutouts!**

**Thumbsucker Snitch** ][ wOOt, not ONLY do you get a shoutout, but the FIRST shoutout! *is happy and impressed* Yayness! Oh, and you can snuggle Mushy too… sometimes I share him. Key word there: "sometimes". *laughs* Yes, Snitchy isn't very nice in this version… mucho apologies. Usually I luffle Snitchy and make him wonderful. Well… I guess I *did* make him kill Davey in "Sanglant"… er… well, yes. Apparently I am on an "evil-Snitchy" mode. Sorry 'bout that. Thanks for the review hun! Mucho loves.

**rumor** ][ Yayness! Don't worry, I often yell at characters in my reviews of people's stuff, too. *shrugs* I think it's common of us crazy Newsieheads. *nods importantly* Anyhow. I love my great-yet-horrible endings… they're my favorite thing to write. *dances* Thanks for the review, Rumor! You're too awesome, kid.

**misprint** ][ *cringes and cowers in a corner* Bwah, how's THAT for alliteration?! Anyhow… *still cringing* Don't kill me! Please! LOL. Yeah, Race is being a bastard… but since Jack has taken over direction for this story (do NOT ask, I told him to get out of my mind and he told me that he wouldn't leave my mind, but WOULD give me chappies. So I let him stay.), I've decided that he must have some frustration with Racetrack (probably cheated him out of money or something) and so Jack's bent on destroying Race in any way he can. *nods* Stupid Jack. More shattering than the DREAM? *looks amazed* Wow. I'm more impressive than I thought. *laughs* Or not. How long are you on ban? And did they tell you WHY they took off Seven Hours? *kicks at ff.net as if it were a toad eating toast* *or Snipeshooter* LOL! Thanks for the reviewage, Misi. I love you dearly.

**Shortie** ][ -points at Jack- He's directing this story now. It's NOT my fault. Sorry 'bout the carving of the chest… I thought it was unbelievably sad, too. I'm glad you didn't like that but you like the story. ^_^ You crack me up hon! I luffles you muchly-mushly, Shortie. Even if I *do* have to share Aaron with you.

**GeckoPixie** ][ *giggles* I love your name!! And thank you for the TWO reviews. *dances* I'm so glad that you jumped right in and started reading, especially since it's getting longer and longer. Nope, Mush won't die. That's the one rule for all my fics… no Mush dying. It used to be "No newsies characters dying". Then I killed almost all of them off. ^_^;; Whoops. LOL Thanks for the reviews hun!

**Keza: Queen of Procrastination** ][ Congrats on one of the funniest reviews I've ever read. ^_^ It was too cute. And I threw in your "inspects fingernails" as something for Blink to do this chapter. Didja catch that? *dances* And I put Pie back in here. *nods* He's gonna have much to say in coming chapters. *hugs talking!pie ecstatically* Yay! I luffle you Kez!

**Angel of Harmony** ][ LOL it's all right, lots of people seem to forget to review! ^_^;; No worries though, it's all good. Anyhow. Yeah, I know they got out of the Refuge fairly quickly… I was kinda disappointed in that, too. But I wanted them out of there, easily, without being caught… because I really didn't feel like getting them ALL thrown in there or something. And yes. But oh well… at least you only have to read it once. *laughs* Thank you so much for such a sweet review! *dances* It made me QUITE happy.

**geometrygal** ][ Well, I may have left you hanging on a cliff, but at least I updated now… I've been known to leave stories and become disinterested at quite inopportune times. ^_^;; But here's some more, so it must be okay, right? *grin* LOL. I'll always save Mush. I couldn't kill him off if I wanted to. It's like I seriously, seriously can't hurt the boy so much he dies. It's against my code of ethics. . LOL! Thanks for the review hun!

**Stage** ][ ME, evil?! ::ahemPAPERANGELSahem:: NOW who's evil?

**studentnumber24601** ][ I am not trying to kill you OR Mush! *indignant* It's Jack's fault! He's directing chapters now! *points and glares at evil!conspiring!jack, who is sitting in the corner clicking his nails together and laughing… evilly* I yell at fictional characters, too. And in movies. It's bad to take me to the movies… ^_^;; LOL thanks for the review hun, I love you too!

**hilaRyB** ][ … You win the award for "Best Review of the Chapter!!!" Thank you SO MUCH! I can't even tell you how happy and ecstatic it made me. I know! What is WITH all these straight!newsies?! *laughs hysterically* I can't even believe that all my stories used to be het… now they're all slash… *hangs head in shame* LOL! I am officially in love with Pinhead, who is based off one of the kids at my school who Misprint is in love with. *laughs* Actually, really just his looks are based off the kid, but now he's starting to act like him, too. O.O It's quite strange.  Line Of The Review: "Neveh feah, Brooklyn's queeah!" ^_^;;;;;; I have NEVER laughed so hard… OH MY AARON I was frickin' hysterical! I have GOT to shove that in a fluffy fic somewhere. OH MY AARON! SO FUNNY! I really don't know what Race's story is in this fic… I swear, I have so many stories for each of them in each of my fics… and they all seem to have SOMETHING to do with fire. *suddenly grows confused* I don't know WHY I kill off so many families with fire, but I do… it's quite weird, really. ^_^ LOL, I haven't seen Velvet Goldmine, but I'd LOVE to. Shade and Misprint have been trying for AGES to get me to see it, but I can't find it anywhere. *pouts* I wish I had seen it, though. It sounds TOO funny for words. Well, this shoutout is getting really long, but rest assured that I LUFFLE YOU and think you're awesome Blossom. *likes rhyming words* Adios, and thanks for the long review! It meant a lot to me. ^_^

**Mush's Skittles** ][ Yes, Race has gotten out of hand. *nods wisely* Stupid carddealingweirdo… anywho. Yay! I'm so glad that you like it so much and that you see it in images… I'm doing my job. ^_^ I'm gonna drive you to fluff! *dies* You are too funny, Itts. You cracketh me upeth! Anywho, thanks for the review, and I luffle you too!

**GLimmer Conlon O'Leary** ][ WATCH YASSELF ITALY! *dies laughing* I'm glad you called him Italy! hehehehe… *giggles and throws things at Race* Thank you for the super review hun!!!! I luffled it! And yes… I'll review soon… smack me upside the head if I don't get to it this week. *nods* Why oh why don't I ever have time…

**Sparkle Kelly Conlon** ][ I wish I could've saved that sexy washboard of a man too… -drools thinking of Aaron- Yay, I hope you soon fall back off your chair and hit your head on your desk. *ponders* Hmmm… that sounded downright evil and rude of me. Sorry. ^_^;; I luffle you dearly Estee! Thanks for the reviewage!

**GlitterPunk** ][ He'll be saved… "Jee-sus loves you… You sha-all be saved!" ^_^ I watched Newsies today for the first time in forever… it made me happy. I can't kill Mush. He will never die. He is INVINCIBLE! *watches super!mush fly across the sky* Thanks muchly for the review, Shaders. I heart you so much!

**The Omniscient Bookseller** ][ Sorry Race is evil. It's Jack's fault. He's the one dictating these chapters to me. I can't help that he is evil, but I apologize muchly anyway. LOL I loved how you ended the review. ^_^ You're too funny, Omns. I heart you!!!!! Thanks for the review!!

**Falco Conlon** ][ Wow, I don't think I've ever had as many people yelling at characters as after the last chapter… hmm. *feels strangely guilty* Er… LOL I'm glad you spelled Sweetie two different ways! *dances and throws candy canes at Spot* Thanks for the review Falco hun, I heart you!!! You're tres awesome. Mucho love!

**…end shoutouts]**

**[end note:** Yus, I know that it was a strange chapter. And a dappy one. *shrugs* So sue me… no, actually, don't. I don't have any money. ^_^;; But yeah, it was very emotionally stressing for me to write… I was crying when Mush was. Seriously. It was pathetic, actually. . Oh, and if I didn't mention it in your shoutout, it's JACK'S fault about what happened. He's been directing these last few chapters. Cheap bastard. *runs off grumbling* *runs back* But thank you for all the reviews! I'm so lucky to have such faithful readers as you guys. Mucho love also to anyone in the NJL. Simply because… the NJL rocks. *nods* *runs away again, throwing codfish to Pie Eater over her shoulder* ((don't worry, you're not supposed to get that unless you're Keza…))**]******


	10. chapter nine: the death

**[Pretend]**

**[by mondie]**

**[started: Feb. 17, 2003]**

**[disclaimer: I don't own the newsies or Kloppman, yada yada yada. If you don't know which characters are Disney's and which are my own, I'd be happy to enlighten you. But, really, if you don't know which characters are in the movie and which aren't, you have NOT watched the movie enough times. Shame, shame.]**

[chapter 9: the death]

[chapter written: April 20-22, 2003]

**What binds the fabric together when the raging, shifting winds of change keep ripping away?**

-RENT, "Rent"

**:**

**[short break before the chapter even begins… As many of you know, I am a member of the *superhero music* ****Newsie Justice League and I made a poll for my girls there to take, telling them (as I now tell you) that one of the characters is going to die in this chapter. Eight responded, and the results were:  
Kid Blink – 1, **studentnumber24601  
**Jack – 2, ****Misprint and ****JP  
Pie Eater – 1, ****Shortie  
Pinhead – 1, **Cards**  
Snipeshooter (hey, this IS a Mondie story) – 3, ****Lute,**** Shade and ****Hotshot**

So who was right? Was anyone right? There were other choices, including Kloppman, Race, and Bumlets. I guess you'll all find out soon. *evil laugh***]**

**:**

            The sun was steadily going down now, the window in the room where Mush was laying becoming less bright and more orange. Pie Eater hadn't come back in the room, nor had Pinhead come to see him. Mush supposed Pie had warned Pin not to. Mrs. Djilian had come in a few times, to try and get Mush to eat some of her chicken noodle soup, but when he refused, she too had left him alone. Mush was now getting slightly lonely, and felt bad for snapping at Pie Eater. After all, it hadn't been Pie's fault that someone—most likely Race—had written such a vile thing.

            _No. Not written, Mush reminded himself. __Carved._

            It made him feel sick, knowing that one of his friends would do such a thing. It was the kind of repulsive thing which no one in his right mind should do. Mush's arms had lost some of their soreness, and now he bent one at the elbow and touched the letters on his chest gingerly. S-I-N-N-E-R. The dried blood raised itself up, standing at crimson salute in contrast to his golden skin. Mush wanted to scrub it off, to tear at the rest of his skin so the word wasn't visible anymore.

            But maybe, just maybe, it was only too true.

            And maybe he deserved it, really.

            Who was to say that what Racetrack had done hadn't been on command from God Himself?

            Exhausted with thoughts and from fighting sleep, Mush finally gave in to the dull pounding, restless knocking of Slumber at the back of his mind. He hoped beyond hopes that this time, _this time_, his dreams would be tranquil.

**:**

            "Poor Mush," Pinhead breathed, tossing his head to get his long red curls out of his eyes.

            "You really need a haircut," Pie Eater told him, laughing a bit.

            Pinhead's blue eyes danced. "I know," he answered. "But remember how mad it used to get Old Kloppy?"

            "Yeah, but you haven't slept in the lodging house in like three months," Pie Eater reminded him.

            "Minor detail," Pinhead responded. "Sure, Mrs. Djilian might charge more for us stayin' in her basement, but she makes us great food an' treats us a hell of a lot better." He looked down at Mush, whose face seemed pinched in pain, even though he was asleep. Pinhead's face grew suddenly sullen, an unusual expression for him. "I jus' can't believe what they did to him, Pie."

            "I know," Pie Eater responded. He shoved back the chair he was sitting in, away from Mush's bed. "It's really sick. Some people… they can't tolerate nothing, ya know?"

            Pinhead sighed. "I know." His eyes traced the word spelled on Mush's chest. "I mean, why would someone do that? Ain't we all sinners, huh?"

            "Yeah," Pie Eater nodded. "I'm guessin' whoever did it… they was just scared."

            "Or a fucking scab," Pinhead scowled. "I wish I knew who did it. I wish I could rearrange 'is face. Da bum's face'd be so messed up… his achin' nose would be on his fuckin' chin, for example. An eye lowered to his shit-filled cheek, da other eye shoved in his ear, which would be spouting more blood than a fountain filled wit' dead bodies. His teeth would be nicely displayed as a curtain just above his eyebrows…"

            "Yer strange, Pinhead."

            "Yeah." Pinhead shrugged. "But that would make even da prettiest newsboy turn into one hell of an ugly scab, an' it'd make fer a good headline, huh?"

            Pie Eater could only laugh at the absurdity that was the other boy.

            "Hey, fellas." The voice made the two of them turn to the doorway. "Mrs. Djilian said we got a new kid stayin' here too."

            "Yeah," Pie Eater answered. "Mush."

            "Mush? How'd he find out about dis place?" Mrs. Djilian's house was kept quiet amongst the boys who knew about it, for fear of it becoming overcrowded.

            "Relax, Snitch. I'm the one that brought him here," Pinhead said.

            "We don't want 'im here, fellas," Snitch said, and his eyes seemed overcast.

            "Snitch? What's wrong wit' you, huh?" Pie Eater asked.

            "He's a fuckin' queer, that's what's wrong wit' me!"

            "So?" Pinhead asked quietly.

            "So? _So_? So it's wrong! Ya know somethin'? Kelly's got a party out lookin' for 'im. Race told 'em what alley 'e left da queer in, but when they found out he was gone, they got all upset. They find out he's here, they'll have _your_ head jus' as easily as his. And looks like I may have to be the one to tell 'em." The sunny boy looked strange with a scowl covering his face.

            "You can't tell 'em! He has ta get better," Pie Eater said, standing up quickly.

            "If I don't tell 'em, it'll be like I'm stickin' up fer him. And I _ain't stickin' up fer him. Not now, not ever. Not ever again."_

            "Snitch, you don't shape up, and I'll soak you so quick—" Pinhead started, getting up as well and glaring into his friend's face.

            "Charles!" Mrs. Djilian's admonishment cut the air. "Thaddeus! Martin!" She had stopped in the doorway, and she glared at each in turn. "I'm appalled that the three of you would be in here, carrying on while one of your friends is trying to rest and get better! Really, you ought to be ashamed!"

            "Not ashamed, Mrs. Djilian," Snitch answered, glaring at Pinhead. "Jus' leaving." He turned on his heel and pushed past the heavyset woman, angrily striding down the steps and slamming the front door as he left.

            "Holy shit, 'e's gonna alert Cowboy," Pinhead said. He looked uneasily at Mrs. Djilian. "Sorry 'bout the swearin'. I'm tryin' ta break the habit."

            "I know, honey." She rapped him lightly on the side of the head. "And I thought you liked Cowboy?"

            "Not when 'e's gonna beat the shit… eh… _soak_ Mush, an' prolly me an' Pie, too." Pinhead wriggled out the doorframe. "I gotta go convince 'im ta keep Mush a secret."

            "Good luck," Pie yelled after him. The words only sounded slightly sarcastic. He shook his head angrily. _Never gonna work. Nothin' can convince Cowboy. Nothin'._

**:**

            Mush's dreams were anything but serene.

            _"I love you, Mush," Kid Blink cooed, his voice as lilting as a nightingale's. "But we can't be together anymore."_

_            "Why not?" Mush answered, feeling that something was wrong about Blink, but unable to place what it was._

_            "Because. I'm happy with him," Blink answered, and it was then that Mush realized what was wrong—Blink was holding hands with someone else. The other person's face was blurry, but the tilt of his head and the cut of his hair seemed somehow familiar, yet at the same time, completely new and strange._

_            "But I still love you," Mush told him, pleading._

_            "But that doesn't matter anymore. 'Cause he—well, he's what I need. And you? Mush, I hate to tell you this, but… yer dead."_

_            "I'm what__?"_

_            "Dead. Mush, look in the mirror."_

_            Kid held out a mirror to him, and Mush took it, anxiety filling his frame. He held the mirror to his face, and looked in nervously. A skull stared back, gleaming, bleached white bones. He looked down at his feet—merely more bones, connected to ankle bones, connected to other bones and other bones to make him a skeleton._

_            But on his chest, hovering over his white ribcage, was a bright red word, floating there in midair._

_            Sinner._

**:**

            Pinhead's feet didn't seem to move quickly enough. "Damn you being fast, Snitch," he muttered to himself, scowling as he sprinted down the street.

            "Pinhead!" Looking over, he saw his girl, a chiseled, solid thing of sixteen. He hadn't seen her since before he was put in the Refuge. Three eternity-long weeks without her smiling face.

            He halted, and walked over to her. He kissed her softly, and her face blushed. She looked around anxiously. "Pin!" she scolded. "We're in the middle of the street!" He could tell she was pleased, though.

            "Look, I gotta go. Mush's in trouble, I gotta make these scabs see what idiots they's bein'," he told her hastily. "But then I'll come an' see you."

            "Dinner? At my house? Mama would love to see you again."

            "Six okay?" he asked.

            "Six is great," she answered.

            Another stolen kiss, soft and sweet. "I love you," he whispered, and then took off running again.

            "I love you, too," she said, but her voice was lost in the wind. She shrugged and continued walking home. He'd hear it later.

            Running faster, Pinhead heard yelling up ahead. He headed toward it, wondering if it was possible for his heart to burst out of exhaustion. He reached the edges of the crowd, and groaned loudly. Snitch was in the middle of it.

            "I know where he's at!" he was yelling. "I know where the queer's hiding out!"

            "SHUT YER FUCKIN' MOUTH, SNITCH!" Pinhead shoved his way through, with people gawking at him from all sides.

            Snitch smiled sarcastically at him. "What's wrong, Pinhead? You stickin' up fer Mush 'cause yer in love wit' im or somethin'?"

            "No," Pinhead said angrily. "I'm stickin' up fer Mush because I am his friend. Just like you. Whatever happened to lovin' friends jus' the way they are, huh?"

            "Well, I ain't neveh loved any of my friends enough to wanna go ta bed wit' 'em," Snitch answered. The rest of the crowd began laughing and calling out lewd remarks, all agreeing with him.

            "Well, did 'e eveh _ask_ you to go to bed wit' 'im?" Pinhead shouted back.

            Tense silence.

            " 'E didn' have to. It's the point that 'e could've."

            "But _he didn't_."

            "Tell us where 'e's at, Snitch," someone called from the surrounding group. Specs' voice.

            "Yeah, hurry, befoah Pinhead tries ta kiss you or somethin'!" another joined in. Racetrack. "Sick bastahd!"

            Pinhead shook his head in disgust. "The only thing sick aroun' heah is all a' you's heads. Mush didn' do nothin' to any of you. Why can't you jus' fuckin' let it go?"

            "You mus' be queer, too. I always thought you was normal, Pinhead," Snitch said softly.

            Pinhead's fist connected with Snitch's eye practically before he knew what he was doing. Snitch reeled from the action, and Pinhead used the split second to firmly punch his jaw. It worked; Snitch sprawled backward onto the ground, and Pinhead leapt on top of him, punching and kicking and biting.

            "Get da boy-loveh!" someone in the gang of boys shouted, and soon it was an all-out brawl. Thirty boys pummeled Pinhead, five boys wrestled Snitch free from Pinhead's grasp. The rest of the fight lasted only one minute.

            "Follow me," Snitch gasped, massaging his jaw tenderly. "I know wheah Mush is at." He looked over his shoulder, at the mangled, twisted, bloody body Pinhead had been degraded to. "Bring 'im along," he called. "We don't want _him disappearin' like Mush did."_

            "I don't think he'll be disappearing, Snitch," called Racetrack, who was bent next to Pinhead.

            The boys halted, and turned to look at Race.

            "He don't have a pulse," Race shrugged. "'E's dead."

**:**

            Cowboy's fluttering fingertips dancing across Kid Blink's cheekbones caused a shiver of excitement through the blond boy's body. Blink grabbed a hold of Jack's hand, and kissed each of the fingers. Jack grinned, before leaning over and kissing Blink's softly chapped lips. Their tongues worked together, massaging and caressing, with an ease Blink had never managed with Mush. He was now getting used to Cowboy's harsh style, his quick way of turning from cold to hot. It was dangerous, and exciting, and he loved every minute of it.

            "You don't think they'll find us in this alley, do ya?" Jack asked hastily, pulling himself from Blink's embrace.

            Blink grinned at him. "'A course not."

            But a loud crowd of voices was passing the alley, and as the two hiding boys peeked over, a large organization of newsies stumbled past, all shouting to each other at the top of their lungs. Racetrack's voice especially carried, and from the mixture of English and Italian, it sounded like trouble, more than likely at his own hands. Blink could see that a large group of the boys were carrying someone, and a limp arm was protruding the mass, a pale arm with dark moles on it.

            Racetrack seemed to be trying to quiet the boys now, and Blink and Cowboy crept closer to the mouth of the alley, to try and hear the news. After a few moments, Blink turned to Jack. "Someone's dead?" he asked, and his thoughts immediately went, for some unexplainable reason, to Mush. For a moment, he was dreadfully, unexplainably scared and distraught at the thought. Even though Mush had betrayed him, had sold him out, they had been best friends for a long time. When one has a friend as close as Mush, even the largest infractions can prove to have no value.

            Then Snitch piped up with an over-enthusiastic comment that he could still lead them to where Mush was sleeping, if they still wanted to soak him.

            Cowboy looked over at Blink, who was torn. So Mush was alive, then—but for how long? Once this group of boys caught up with him, who knew what could happen. He wished with half of his heart that he could protect Mush from these people, but the other half of his heart, the stubborn half, wanted Mush to be punished, to feel pain. He wanted Mush to be as hurt physically as he had been emotionally by the backstabbing. The conflicting thoughts began swirling through Blink's brain, as he stared back into Cowboy's hazel eyes, trying to figure out what to do, what would be the right thing to do, what he wanted to be done…

            Cowboy could see the pain in Blink's face, and, Blink figured, could feel the internal wrestling. He shook his head, seeming sad, and kissed Blink's cheek. Then he shoved him behind a trash can and stepped out of the alley, into the midst of the newsies' throng.

            "Who's dead?" he asked firmly.

            Racetrack blinked at him, surprised at his quick entrance. He recovered quickly. "Pinhead."

            "Shit." Jack took off his cowboy hat, shaking his head. He'd always liked Pinhead, who had the fortunate luck of making his horrible habits, like his swearing, look comical and perfectly commonplace. And Pinhead had always made them all laugh with the way his long hair angered Mr. Kloppman.

            "We… we were thinking about taking him back to the Lodging House… or something…" Dutchy said softly, looking with uncertainty at Jack.

            "Yeah. Let's do that," Jack finally nodded. "And I don't wanna hear no more about going and soaking Mush, you hear me? We got enough deaths tonight."

            Snitch seemed to lose some of his glimmer. "Not even to _fight with him?"_

            Jack only glared at Snitch. He shook his head, and turned away, parting the crowd to get to Pinhead's limp body.

            Itey glared at Snitch and hit him in the back of the head. "Cheesehead."

            In the alleyway, Blink sat quietly and cried. Cowboy had done that for him. Cowboy didn't particularly care about Mush, was angry at Mush for hurting Blink… but he'd still spared him another night.

            Blink drew in a long, shaky breath, and smiled to himself. _He loves me, he realized. _Jack actually, really loves me_._

**:**

            When Mush awoke, the room was empty and moonlit. He got up, though he still ached, and crossed the room to a small mirror fixed to the top of the bureau. He stared in it, moving backwards so that he could see his chest, with the large word in its crimson mockery.

            He turned away.

            Returning to his bed, he laid his head on the pillow and tried not to cry again. _Pretend it never happened, he told himself. _Be a man. No one will ever know your pain if you don't let it show.__

_            Goddammit, pretend._

_            The door to the bedroom slid open almost noiselessly. Immediately Mush pretended to be asleep, though he cursed himself for lying with his back facing the door. He couldn't tell who it was._

            The boy started talking, in a loud whisper. Mush didn't understand what he was saying at first, because it sounded like the middle of a conversation.

            Then another boy answered back, and suddenly the room seemed heavy.

            Cowboy had come.

            And so had Blink.

**[author's note: 102 reviews! And that's _with_ the removal after chapter 4. Thanks so much to all of you for your praise, corrections, concerns, comments, and everything that's taken place in those reviews. I treasure each and every one of you, and I'm only sorry that I can't tell you how much I truly adore and appreciate everything you do for me.]**

**[shoutouts!:**

**GlitterPunk** ][ *pats Shadells on the head* Sorry for the miserable side effects of the story! ~sweatdrop~ I can't help it! –wails- Blame it on Jack. (I was just gonna sing "Blame Canada" but thought that as you are FROM Canada, that might not be as effective as blaming Jack.) I luffle you dearly Shadells! You are too wonderful.

**Keza: Queen of Procrastination** ][ *throws more codfish at you and giggles gleefully* Bwaha, now Pie will always smell of fish… *Pie smiles happily* LOL! I named him Thaddeus just for you… LOL actually it just came to me somehow… that he should be a Thaddeus… *scratches head and looks remotely confused* Eh… I don't know. But now Snitch is Martin, which is an equally wonderful name. *is now going to call Pie, Thaddy, and Snitch, Marty.* Ooh… Marty Belafsky… didn't even think of that til just now. O_O LOL! Too bad Crutchy isn't a main character… wait, wasn't he a main character at one point? Whatever happened to that? Okay, I'm shutting up now… Mucho love to my Kezles!

**hilaRyB** ][ Winner of the Awesome Review two times in a row! O_O LOL! Yay for flaming!spot (aka FlamerSpot!muse), he is one of my favey-daviest newsie-musies. *giggles* Today, in the hallway, I was walking behind two of my good guy friends, who were discussing topics from English in a very dignified, serious manner, which is not in either of their personalites per say, and I decided quite suddenly and sternly that it would be just WONDERFUL if they had leaned over and kissed and decided to be slashy. ^_^ Now, neither of these boys is like that… well, one might be, but he hides it with homophobia… anyway… it would've been cute. Wow, sorry 'bout THAT tangent… *sweatdrop* LOL. Don't worry, I think the evil!jack/naïve!blink slashy goodness is sexy, too. That's why I throw it in so much. ^_^;; Plus it's all leading up to the explosive conclusion. All right, so I made that part about the explosive conclusion up… so sue me. I don't know how this is gonna end yet. *dies of embarrassment* Oh, and you can have super!bumlets, btw. *hands him over* He was getting in the way of me and Mush's snogging time, anyhow. *waves goodbye to super!bumlets* *also saturates Mushy with huggles* Dude, the kid gets more huggles and snuggles than he knows what to do with… ~Mush looks happily at the excessive amount of huggles surrounding him and sighs happily~ You are so awesome, Hil! I think you are just splendid. Like peaches. And Cool Whip. And big fluffy dinner rolls. (Am I hungry? NO! What gave you THAT idea?! ;D) Thanks mucholy hun! Hearts and Bumlets and Angel!Pinheads to ya!

**GLimmer Conlon O'Leary** ][ Did ya see I threw in the word "glimmer" for you? *ponders* At least, I think it's still in there… it was in the first draft, anyhow. ^_^ Thanks for the review hun! And Mush pants? O_O *Mondie puts them on and models* wow… purtyful. ^_^;;; Thanks for all the reviews (even if they are at gunpoint from Itts). LOL! Mucho hearts and huggles to ya, mon amie!

**Mush's Skittles** ][ In your review, you called Pinhead an angel. I was already planning this chapter's turn of events. Coincidence much? ^_^ There is something undeniably sexy and sultry about in-pain!mush. I don't know what it is. But it's incredibly hot while being incredibly wrong, the same way Jack/Blink is. *nods* God, I think it's bad to love your own story so much… anywho. Did you get more green paper? *lurves being in the binder* Thank you so much for everything, Itts. I truly truly TRULY heart you!

**Shortie** ][ At least you hate Jack more than me. That makes it better. ^_^ YAY FOR YOU CATCHING MY RENT-ISM! I wrote the words, then stared at the screen for about ten minutes, wondering if I could possibly make Mush say "I'm afraid so" in any way, shape or form. Then it thoroughly depressed me when I decided that I couldn't. Sigh. But ah well, c'est la vie (boheme). Yesterday I was on a total RENT kick, I couldn't stop singing it and inserting it into conversations and such. People were getting annoyed come seventh period. *blush and pleased smile* Heh heh. It's always such fun to mess with the youngens' heads. BTW, I lurve Salute Your Shorts. My mom wouldn't let me watch it, though. So my brother and I had to sneak it. ^_^ Camp Aunawana (I have no idea how to spell that), we hold you in our hearts, and when we think about you… *dance and smile* Thanks for the review dearie!

**geometrygal** ][ Thank you for the death threat and the deliberate harming of yourself. *nods seriously* It was wonderful. ^_^ I think you're just awesome!

**rumor** ][ Thank you thank you thank you! *dances and drinks and roisters all day* Hey, on a side note, do you know how to roister? It's in one of our current [retarded] concert choir songs and none of us know what it means. We've decided it must be like a rooster, so then we strut around and cluck. It's wonderful. ^_^ Haha! Thanks for the review hun, I heart you muchly-mushly! I'm so glad you're a member of the NJL now! *dance dance dance*

**Omni** ][ Hyuck I enjoyed the torture of Jack in your review… Omns, you're so FUNNY! You crack me up, dear. I named Pie, Thaddeus, for Keza. Now I call him Thaddy. ^_^ *dances* I find it fun and exhilarating. And yes. Greek!Pie is mucho cute. *pats his head* *smiles at various signoffing newsies* I heart you so much Omni!!!

**Sparkle Kelly Conlon** ][ Thank you Estee!!! *dance dance dance* Wonderful! I'm so glad that you will someday soon fall and hurt your head again. ^_^ Thanks for the review, and I don't think the boys will ever really learn… *shakes head vigorously* They're just like real boys. Stupid and inconsiderate. *wanders away grumbling* Thanks for the review hun! Mucho hugs.

…end shoutouts! next chapter *might* be the end… but probably not, knowing me. but be forewarned. *shakes forewarning!davey at reviewers* yus. mucho hugs and luffles to everyone!]


	11. chapter ten: promise

**[Pretend]**

**[by mondie]**

**[started: Feb. 17, 2003]**

**[finished: April 27, 2003]**

**[disclaimer: I don't own the newsies or Kloppman, yada yada yada. If you don't know which characters are Disney's and which are my own, I'd be happy to enlighten you. But, really, if you don't know which characters are in the movie and which aren't, you have NOT watched the movie enough times. Shame, shame.]**

[chapter 10: promise]

[chapter written: April 27, 2003]****

**We all bleed the same way as you do**

-Good Charlotte, "Hold On"

**:**

            Kid Blink and Cowboy seemed to be in the midst of an argument. Mush lay silent, still; he was more frozen with fear than out of any sly eavesdropping motive. Kid Blink was the one doing most of the arguing, his whisper frenzied and out of control. Mush had to smile, though he couldn't quite make out the words—Kid had always been such a passionate person. _But why the hell did Cowboy bring Kid if he's just gonna soak me?_ Mush wondered. _Is he planning some sorta scare-the-hell thing outta me by soaking Kid too, while I watch?_ Kid's harsh whisper had suddenly been caught off, and replaced by a meditative silence. Though Mush's back was still to the duo and he couldn't see what was happening, he could imagine Jack impatiently covering Blink's mouth to keep him quiet. It was a strange reaction, but the mental picture brought back such a sense of nostalgia that Mush felt the corners of his mouth tug upwards. He immediately sought control over his mouth. He couldn't alert anyone to the fact that he was awake.

            A figure walked toward the bed stealthily, and Mush felt his muscles tense up. The figure continued, walking around the side of the bed so that he was looking into Mush's face. "Aw," Cowboy's voice called sarcastically. "'E looks like such an _angel_ when 'e sleeps." Underneath the covers, Mush's right hand clenched into a fist instinctively. However, he worked hard at keeping his face stoic and immovable.

            Suddenly a stinging blow rained against his shoulders. He sat bolt upright—he couldn't help himself. A small yell of panic escaped him, too. He hadn't been expecting Jack to do that. Not with Blink standing there—Blink, unlike Mush, rather liked fighting. He would soak a kid for merely looking at him a second too long. Who knew what would happen when he witnessed Jack hitting Mush?

            The blond boy didn't even seem fazed, though. He leaned against the doorframe, looking almost bored. The moonlight played with the shadows of his face, and Mush hoped fervently that the apathetic look covering his face was a trick of the lighting.

            "C'mere, Blink," Jack called suddenly.

            Sighing as though it was the biggest, hardest chore in the world, Blink shoved himself from the doorway and slowly wandered over. Mush suddenly understood. Blink was pretending not to care so that he could wallop Jack good when his guard was down.

            Jack looked down at Mush again, and Mush stared back, wondering what in the hell was going on with Cowboy, why he was stalling. Indeed, he even implored Jack with this very question. "What da hell you doin', huh? If yer gonna soak me, jus' get it over with." He felt like looking at Blink and winking, showing that he understood Blink's little game. But he didn't dare break eye contact with Cowboy and messing up the ploy.

            Cowboy suddenly smirked, a trademark tilt of the lip he'd copied from Spot Conlon, the tough street kid leader of Brooklyn. Turning to Blink ferociously, he kissed him firmly.

            Mush gaped, and waited for Blink to smack Cowboy, to demand an explanation as to why he'd been torturing the both of them when obviously he was the same way they were, and to demand he stop, to remind him that he belonged with Mush, and Mush alone. But instead, Blink's hand caressed Jack's neck, and the kiss became sloppy and loud and entirely, utterly wrong.

            At least, that's how Mush saw it.

            Tears pricked at his eyes, and he couldn't help but stare at the horrifying scene. His eyes couldn't leave the grotesque display, and his heart felt as though it'd been sawed open and left, vulnerable, to hang in the breeze.

**:**

            Racetrack and Snitch had watched Jack hauling Blink from the lodging house, identical grins decorating their jack-o-lantern faces. Cowboy had taken to doing this every night, dragging Blink out to soak him. He had explained that someone in Harlem had told him that this was the only way to make the … _wrong boys right again._

            Night had fallen since then, and Race calculated that he supposed it was at least midnight. Jack still hadn't resurfaced with Blink. The lodging house was filled with the sleeping sighs of discontented boys, and Snitch had already lost all his money to Racetrack three hours ago in a rather one-sided game of poker. 

            "Hey," Race suddenly said, as Snitch let out a large yawn. "You know wheah Mush is at, right?"

            Snitch smiled at this, too. "Yeah," he said slowly. "But Cowboy said we ain't allowed ta touch 'im."

            Race rolled his eyes. "When have we eveh listened to _Cowboy?" he asked, his voice dripping with disdain. He had never fully accepted that others thought of Jack as the Manhattan leader, since he'd been selling for two months longer than Cowboy and thought himself a more able leader. "Besides, why should Jack get all da fun a' soakin' da queers?"_

            Snitch laughed quietly, careful not to wake the young newsie who was sleeping in the bunk next to them. "Yeah."

            "So. Ya wanna go soak him?" It wasn't a question, not really. And Race's eyelids drooped as he added, "I mean, it _is_ da right thing ta do." He looked at Snitch through his eyelashes, creating a sort of barred protection for himself.

            Snitch stared at him, trying to read the Italian boy's thoughts. "Right," he finally agreed, scratching at his head. "You get real weird late at night, Race."

            Race laughed and boxed Snitch about his head. "I know," he agreed. "Now, c'mon."

            The boys slid on their boots and, laughing gleefully to themselves, slipped down the staircase into the darkened lobby, then out into the bright moonlight of the full moon.

**:**

            "You heah that?" Jack asked suddenly, drawing away from Blink. "I think I heard a door open. Go keep whoeveh it is away from here, Blink."

            Blink shrugged and obeyed, shutting the door softly behind him and walking swiftly down the hall to the front door.

            Jack looked down at Mush, a sadistic smile playing his lips. "Now that I got him outta the way…" he mumbled, and Mush couldn't tell whether he'd meant for Mush to hear it or not.

            Jack suddenly scrambled on top of Mush in the bed, pinning his shoulders to the thick mattress. Mush stared up at him, too shocked to yell for help. Jack messed with his belt, finally producing a switchblade. He held the knife to Mush's throat, then smiled. "Get on da ground, ya bum."

            Mush slid off the bed, careful to avoid the blade. He sat on the ground next to the bed cautiously. The floorboards were cold.

            "Take off yer clothes. And then lie on yer stomach."

            Mush stared with horror at Cowboy, his heart a bottomless pit that suddenly filled with thousands of fluttering butterflies. "What?" he whispered.

            "You heard me. Now obey me," Cowboy said, with a calculated articulation and atrociousness. He smirked, and Mush understood. He knew what he was doing. Had he too woken when Mush had screamed that night of washday, that fateful day that had changed everything? Or… Mush winced as a thought briefed into his mind, and he tried to chase it away. It danced around the outskirts of his mind, however, until he acknowledged it… _Maybe Blink told him all I said dat night._

            "Well? Whaddya waitin' for? Didn't ya heah me, huh?"

            Mush gulped, then slowly pulled at the thin pants which were all he was wearing. His hands were shaking. Cowboy's eyes were shadowed by the vague lighting, and appeared much larger and darker than he knew they in truth were. In fact, they seemed to Mush to look the same as his had in the nightmare he'd just had, the one with himself having only a skull. And now, with the knife held so loosely in his hand, and his smile so calm and seductively destructive, Mush found himself shocked and terrified of the boy with such power.

            He'd been wrong to compare his father to Racetrack.

            Cowboy was a much more accurate portrayal.

**:**

            "What're _you_ doin' here, Blink?" Snitch was so confused, he forgot to sound menacing. "How'd you find out about this place?" Suddenly realizing his flaw, he dropped his voice an octave and growled, "Queer."

            "Leave 'im alone, Snitch," Racetrack said.

            Two heads swiveled in his direction, looking identically shocked.

            "But… Race, he's…" Snitch started.

            "C'mon. We don't care about him." Racetrack looked glumly determined. He glanced at Blink indifferently. "Where's Jack?"

**:**

Jack covered Mush, his breathing heavy as his hands roamed the defeated boy's bare back. He looked at the hasty, frenzied dark curls, tightly coiled, that covered Mush's head. And the longer he looked at the curls, they more easily they shifted. The curls lengthened, became looser and auburn-colored until they were reddish-orange and hung to the nape of his honey-colored neck. The tone of the skin shifted, too, becoming lighter, paler, the tone of a ghost. There were scabs healing on Mush's back, from stones that had been shoved into the youthful flesh during one of his recent beatings. The scabs faded slightly, losing the brick-red tint and now seeming a dark brown—merely freckles, sprinkled here and there.

            Jack's hands wrapped around Mush's thin torso, his fingers settling in the grooves between Mush's abs. But he didn't feel the abs. The muscles were still painted a purplish-black, reminiscent of Racetrack's relentless fists, and Mush was squirming in protest, yowling like a drenched cat. Fearing the noise, Jack lifted one of his own hands and cupped it over Mush's insanely loud mouth. His arm was snaking directly up Mush's body now, and as Mush attempted to roll out from under him, he felt the raised, scratchy blood of the wound on Mush's chest.

            The hair suddenly was dark and short curls now, the freckles turned back to scabs. The skin took on its golden hue. Jack stared with hatred at the boy who had reappeared.

            _It ain't Pinhead._

            The thought erupted through his brain for a moment, causing him to pause. Then he drove himself into Mush all the harder, enjoying the sick groaning wails coming from Mush's bruised body.

            _But it'll do._

**:**

            "Answer me, idiot!" Racetrack shouted to Blink. "Wheah's Jack?"

            Blink appeared to be considering his options, then he shrugged. "Upstairs," he finally said. "I'll show you."

            "Is he with Mush?"

            Blink nodded.

            Race scowled. "Shit."

            Snitch stared in disbelief at Racetrack, unable to comprehend the total switch of attitudes that the boy had gone through. But Race and Blink had taken to the stairs, and he was being left behind. He hurried to catch up.

**:**

            _Pretend. Pretend this isn't happening._

_            Be a man._

_            Goddammit, be a man!_

**:**

            "Holy shit! You fucking son of a bitch!" Racetrack cried, standing in the doorway.

            "Shit!" Jack scrambled off Mush, and Mush, brushing away silent tears, slowly hid himself from view, kneeling behind the bed as he pulled his thin pants back on.

            "Oh, my God," Snitch said. He could only stare at Cowboy. "Jack?"

            Blink, too, was staring at Jack as if he were an alien. "What da _hell were ya doing?"_

            For the first time in his life, Jack Kelly was at a loss for words. He'd calculated everything so carefully. Except, of course, the possibility that Blink would come back upstairs so soon.

            And bring two boys with him.

            With a battle cry, Snitch hurled himself across the room, his hands stretching across Jack's throat before Jack had time to block him. Jack gagged and gasped, turning various shades of colors, before passing out. Snitch looked vaguely proud of himself.

            Mush slowly pulled himself to his feet, forcing his eyes to Blink's face. The sight of his beautiful friend was enough to cause the tears to well up again, but Mush was still too distraught by the kiss Blink had shared with Cowboy to go flying recklessly into his arms.

            Blink seemed a bit bashful, and wouldn't meet Mush's eyes. By dropping them, he noticed the dark word spelled out in the skin stretching across Mush's chest. He gaped. "Sinner?"

            Racetrack looked over, too, and whistled. "Wow, Mush," he said, almost jokingly. "That shoah looks purty now." He turned to Blink and said, conversationally, "It didn' look so good right afta I carved it, though."

            Blink looked at him, his eyebrows arched. "_You_ put that on Mush?"

            Race laughed a little. "Has 'e seen yer wrist?"

            Wordlessly, Blink shook his head, then crossed the room to Mush. Mush stared at him cautiously, unsure of this stranger in his best friend's body. Kid Blink began rolling up the sleeve of his shirt.

            The crusty blood dried all up his lower arm at first revolted Mush, then he looked closer. Six letters were etched there, though not with the precision Racetrack had used for Mush's chest. _S-I-N-N-E-R_.

            "This is what I'd cut in my wrist at nights," Blink whispered, staring at the raised red letters. "I wrote the _S_ that night I was awake, on washday, when you first had the nightmares about yer dad. The first _N_ came that time you caught me doing it, the night Pie and you talked on the roof. The other letters came at different points, but no one was awake for those nights." He looked downcast, angry, as he added, "I reopened the letters whenever they'd start to heal." He finally raised his eye to implore Mush's face. "I didn' wanna be wit' Cowboy, Mush." His whisper was soft, but focused. "I wanted ta be wit' you. But… I know that you ain't…" He fell silent, then looked away again.

            Mush looked at him, then laughed at the absurdity. "I love you, Kid," he murmured, then pulled Blink to him for a long-postponed kiss.

            Snitch, still standing near the unconscious body of Jack, stared at Racetrack. "I'se confused, Race. Do you hate queers or not?"

            Racetrack shook his head. "Nope."

            Snitch looked like he'd been betrayed. "But… but…"

            "I wrote that in Mush's chest as a sort of signal," Race explained. "I had to be tough, because of my company at the time. But at the same time, I was sending a message to Blink, if Blink had only found Mush. I'd found out about the word the day before, and in a way, I was giving my blessing to the two of them." He thought a moment. "Though it _was_ a little evil of me, huh?"

            Snitch stared at Racetrack. "So it's okay that they're …" He didn't even finish the thought, just looked pointedly at Kid Blink and Mush, who had moved from kissing while standing to lying on Mush's bed, a tangled mess of limbs and dancing hands.

            "Yeah," Race answered. "And it's okay that yer the same way, too."

            Snitch stared at him.

            A soft chuckle from Kid Blink, who raised his head for just a moment. "No more pretendin', Snitch."

            Snitch's face flushed, and the sudden embarrassed tilt of his head made Racetrack laugh. "C'mon, ya queer," he called. "Let's get Cowboy outta heah."

            It took a while for the two boys to drag Cowboy out of the house, and when it was finally accomplished, Blink flung himself against Mush in an exaggerated movement. "I thought they'd never leave," he complained.

            "It's okay," Mush answered. "We got forever, Blink."

            A more pure, more sentimental, more perfect kiss could not have followed. Capturing Blink's lips, Mush eagerly teased the boy with his tongue. The kiss lasted much longer than either thought possible.

            "You think we'll ever be accepted?" Blink asked quietly, softly kissing Mush's throat.

            Mush smiled down at him. "Who cares?" he answered. "We don't need anyone but us."

            "So no more pretending for us, either?"

            "No more pretending."

            And how nice, to know that this promise would be one that would be kept.

**[the end]**

**[end notes: I FINALLY FINISHED ANOTHER STORY! *dance* I'd still love reviews and feedback, and I will post an author's note hopefully next week, with the final batch of shoutouts and thank-you's. Check back for it—it's gonna be a blast. ^_^ Just wait til you see what I've got planned… Seriously, you guys, you all ROCK and I'm so glad for all the reviews you've given me. MUAH!****]**

**[shoutouts!:**

**geometrygal ][ Well, it wasn't by Saturday, but it is here fairly quickly (at least for me ^_^), especially considering that I had prom this weekend. Hoo ha! Any end reactions? ^^**

**hilaRyB ][ Yus, Pinhead *does* have sexy red curls. I could show you a picture of what Pin's curls look like, but … we don't talk on AIM. *sweatdrop* He's based off a real-life boy, I told you that, right? And he has quite the sexy hair. ^_^ Okay, the fact that the name "Old Kloppy" made you think of "Mad Eye Moody" is so strange, I can't even tell you. *laughs* Especially since the two names are not really alike at all… *hands you a tshirt that says "PFR!" in many places* HEY, I _had_ Pinhead talking about Picasso there! *BEAM* Then I realized that Picasso was ::ahem:: later than that. -_-;; So I had to change it. *laughs* But oh well, it turned out okay anyhow. Yeah, the dead!mush dream was really a kinda strange thing… came from nowhere, really. O_O It was gonna have all sorts of literary purposes… but I threw them out. Now I just think it's kinda cool imagery. *laughs* Ah, it's great fun to be me. Erm… sorry 'bout killing Pinny? *looks sheepish* God, I swear, I'm never killing anyone again. Everybody is so MAD at me. *hides from newsie!authors carrying torches and waving machetes* LOL… okay, so I'll still write about killing newsies off. It's all I can seem to do. *points to various shelves on which are stacked manuals on the correct ways to kill newsies* I didn't even think anyone would care that much! He's an OC, not even a movie!newsie! O_O You're my favorite too, Hil! *giggles* You cracketh me upeth, goil. Mucho love, and thanks for the awesome reviews time and time again.**

**studentnumber24601 ][ I keep forgetting that most of you guys haven't read my fics in which I kill off multiple people all at the same time and such. ^_^;; You have no idea how incredibly morbid I can be! LOLOL. Thanks for the review 24! Mucho luffles and huggles and snuffles and such.**

**The Omniscient Bookseller ][ Oh, c'mon. Just _tell_ me you didn't see that coming. I know you did. CALL OFF THE SHUNNING NEWSIES! I can't take their shunning! And really, I even TOLD y'all there'd be a death. I didn't kill Racey. So be happy. *glare* LOL Luffle you doll!**

**Stage ][ *attacks Jack too* Joik. Oh, and Pinhead definitely is NOT screechy annoying redhaired child in the beginning of Newsies who everyone wants to punch in the frickin' face. No no no. Hey, just so you know, I think it cut off your chapter 10 review. In any case, Specs!muse didn't get to say what he wanted to. ^_^ Thanks for the reviews though! I luffle you Stage! O_O AND YOU UPDATED PAPER ANGELS! *hands you awards and various newsies***

**Keza: Queen of Procrastination ][ Nope, I didn't kill off Pie. I also didn't include him in the end. *looks slightly confused* Sorry, don't know how he slipped through… if I write an epilogue, I'll shove him in there. *nods* He'll get married to his beautiful girl, Molly. *cheeky grin* Yus, I do believe I have a tendency to kill off characters named Charlie. O_o Thanks for the wondrous review, Kezzles dahlink! And yes, I definitely DO enjoy the cackling with delight when everyone else is distraught over my plot turns. It's my favey-davey part of the day. ^_^**

**Sparkle Kelly Conlon ][ Thank you Estee! And Blink… and Jack… and Mush… well, I guess I made it all work out. Somehow. You should've read the first draft of this chapter, it was quite bloody and morbid and deaths were everywhere. I thought I'd get in trouble for that one, though, with all the readers. So I changed it. ^_^;; Thanks for the reviews hun! You're super wonderful. We've got to talk again sometime soon!**

**Shortie ][ YAY FOR SWEET VALLEY! I lurve random!pie. I enjoy how I can make him say various things and it fits for him. *dances* He's very handy for plot twists, that boy is. Mrs. Djilian never knew Cowboy, and she doesn't know him at all by his real name. The only way she recognizes Cowboy is by the other boys' talking of him. So she _has_ to call him Cowboy, because she doesn't know him by any other name. *nod* It was weird that you picked up on Snitch being fast (taking track lessons from Swifty) cuz originally, that WAS Swifty. I put him in that role the first draft of chapter 9, then decided that it wasn't Swifty, but Itey, then I decided it wasn't Itey, but Snitch. I had to go over that chapter with a fine comb, trying to make sure I didn't leave random names everywhere. *sweatdrop* LOL! I LURVE YOU SHORTIE AND YOUR RANDOMNESS! It's such fun. ^_^**

**Hotshot ][ Heh heh. Don'tcha just hate it when I make you think? *grins* Thanks for the reviews dear.**

**rumor ][ I AM NOT MORBID BEYOND MORBID! Jack: Yes, you are. Oh. Guess I am, then. Sorry 'bout that. Short short review, I apologize, but I gotta get to work in 3 minutes and I'm not dressed yet. O_O EEP! I luffle you Rumor, and you are the awesomest awesome awesome person in the world!**

**Thumbsucker Snitch ][ *Mondie hates Jack too* I don't know when it happened, I just realized one day that I really can't stand the kid. O_O Poor Jack. Poor Snitchy, I apologize for making him so … him in the story. But see, he was really just scared… yup. ^_^ Luffles to Lute!**

**misprint ][ Actually, I _don't_ know how disappointed you were in me a chapter ago, because… I didn't get the review. ff.net must've ate it again. That's why you didn't get a shoutout, either. *kicks ff.net in the metaphorical shins* Aren't you proud of me though, for not sending you thirty emails insisting that you review? I'm trying to get better! But yeah, I didn't get a review for chapter 8. You can check my review bank. *points at link* I DO NOT MUCK UP MY STORIES! Jack: Yes, you do. Oh. Guess I do, then. Sorry. ^_^ I luffle you Misers, and don't hate me too much, cuz I'd die! Talk to Connor about me lately? ^_^;;;;;**

**Sparker ][ *curtsy* Thank you muchly-mushly! I heart you!**

**Ali ][ Oh, you might be disappointed by the time you get to this review… ^_^ The cute Mushy/Blink slashiness dies down some, eh? Hehehe! But thank you doll!**

**Lee ][ No, NOW it's over. ^_^ Thanks for the review! Sorry I made you so upset over Pinhead. I love the kid, too.**

**for the second-to-last time… end of shoutouts!]**


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